Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Friday, December 19, 2003

December 19, 2003

It is nice to realize that your kids are listening even when you think they are not. Yesterday I was questioning my parenting abilities and wondering if I was responsible for the way they were acting about having and not having things. I thought I was teaching them to be different and I was upset with the way they were acting (like the spoiled kids who don't appreciate anything). Anyway the major part of our fight was over shoes (it sounds silly, but it was quite a battle) and my refusal to buy them for one night (annual chorus concert). Basically I was the worst mom on the face of the earth for not buying them because Everyone else was. I heard all the usual complaints: "I don't have any shoes that match, I'm not going because I will look ridiculous," and so on and on and on. I was not giving in this time and this made me feel bad, but I told them they would have to figure something out. They were persistent and it was hard to hold my ground, but I did. Eventually they ended up borrowing shoes and apologizing to me. I was very surprised when my daughter said, "In a way I'm glad we got in trouble, because you know I think you were right, we would have only worn them once and it would have been a waste of money.' It made me feel great to realize that they do hear the important things that I say. I am very grateful for the great kids that I have.

Even though a new article came out yesterday, writing is not going as well as I hoped it would. I am at a loss for new ideas, and I am not having fun not working. I know I should relax and enjoy the time off, but I can't. I like to be busy. I like to be working on something. I like getting paid. There I said it. Money is important to me even if I pretend that it is not. The problem is that it is conflicting with other things in my life that are also important. I didn't realize how important being home was until I got the chance. I knew going into this that it was not going to all be easy and that simply stating I'm a writer was not going to bring me jobs. I need to get my act in gear and continue doing what brought me success. I keep saying that but I can't seem to do it.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I feel bad being home when my husband is working. I know I decided to make writing my job and that this is part of it, but I am new to this and even though I am doing things to better myself in writing because it is not like a typical job where you put in a certain amount of hours, do certain work and then at the end of the week collect your pay it is hard for me. I keep thinking that I will be perceived as lazy or that I am really not working. I need to come to terms with this new way of working. Maybe if I start understand that and deal with it I won't be so hard on myself.

Reading about being a writer and what you should except living life as a writer is one thing, doing it is quite another. I have to remember this.

posted by Kelly @ 12/19/2003 05:07:00 PM

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