Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Monday, December 22, 2003

When I first began to write, my biggest fear was rejection. I was afraid that no one would like what I wrote, so it took me awhile to share. Now I am afraid no one will see what I wrote.

I know this is not right, but part of me is jealous of the people who say their sites get thousands of hits a day. I want that to be me. I realize that they have been doing this longer than me, and I am happy for them because they deserve it, but still a twinge of jealousy hits me when I read about the popularity of others. I want my turn.

A big problem that I have been having lately with writing is coming up with new ideas. I have had major writer's block. I think this is because I am looking for somewhere to send my work before I write it. I know I should just write it first than worry about that, but right now I am trying to make a go of writing as a career, so I am looking for where the money is going to come from first.

This is not the best way to be a writer. The problem is right now I don't have another income source. When I first decided to quit my day job everything came easy. Before I even left that job, an article was being published, and I had work lined up at home. It seemed like everything was just going to fall into place, and that is the way I like it.

When my work at home ran out, so did my ability to write (or so it seems). When I was still working, I found out that 4 articles were being published and I felt comfortable that this would work out. I wasn't making a lot, but I was making something. Now that I have stopped working, I can't even come up with an idea to send.

I think I so desperately want this to work that I am blocking myself creatively. This is not good, because (as noted earlier) if I don't start earning money at this I will need to find a job outside my home. This makes me sad because I really like working here. It suits me. I didn't go into this thinking I would become rich quickly, but I thought I could get a few small assignments to get by. I even have a place to send them, and so far everything I've sent has been published, but now I am blocked.

I think I am still waiting for a magic fairy to wave her wand and deliver ideas to my brain. That would be nice, but I know it is not going to happen. I have to figure out ways to unblock myself and come up with ideas, once I have them the writing comes easy.

Since this is Christmas week, I think I will try to relax and enjoy. If a story comes great, I'll write. If not there is always next week. From what I've read, this is what happens with creativity. There are highs and lows, you have to learn to deal or find ways to bring on the creativity. I think I will also search for ways to boost the creativity this week. If I find some good things, I will definitely share.

posted by Kelly @ 12/22/2003 06:58:00 AM

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