Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Friday, January 30, 2004

I have been noticing something, and it really hit me yesterday.

There is a definite division between "life before writing" and "life after writing". And since life before writing was not very long ago, I don't understand it that well. No one from my before writing life wants anything to do with me. Family is not included--they don't have a choice. I don't understand why and it hurts. The people I am referring to are my so called friends. The friends that had tears in their eyes when I decided to leave my job. The friends who said "We'll miss you so much, we don't want you to leave, what will we do without you?"
And before that the friends who promised to keep in touch no matter what. Since I began writing, all of these friends have disappeared. All of them. Gone.

No one calls me, emails me, or stops by. In the beginning they did, but slowing it has faded away. I am not asking for much. A simple hello, how are you would make me happy. I have tried to keep contact, but it is so one sided, I have given up. Why bother? They are obviously not interested.

I try to act like it is no big deal and that I understand. I make excuses for them:

They are busy, they have there own lives.
They don't understand what I'm doing, so it's hard from them.
They think I'm too busy (they know I'm working at home), so they don't call.
Their phone is broke, their email is disconnected, they moved and forgot to tell me.

I always blame myself for this kind of thing. But this time, it isn't me. I made a conscious effort to keep in touch. I tried, but their was no interest.

I am done making excuses. Even though I don't like it I have to accept that they choose not to be part of my life right now. It is very sad though. I miss my friends very much.

If I didn't have such a wonderful family this would be much harder. I am so grateful for them. They have been behind me always. They believe in me when I don't believe in myself. They encourage me, support me and put up with me. They have sacrificed for me. When I say I am giving up they are the ones who talk me into sticking with this. They make sure I have what I need to keep at this. I adore my family! When my husband sensed how upset I was that none of my pre-writing friends bothered to remember my b-day, I knew I could believe him when he said, "You got me honey, I'm your friend, and I'll always be there for you." That's the kind of friend I need.

Anyone want to guess what I got for my birthday? I'll give you a hint, I haven't figure out how to use it yet.

posted by Kelly @ 1/30/2004 06:55:00 AM

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