Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Saturday, January 17, 2004

What I am about to write is going to make me sound depressed.

I am not. I have had time to think today.

I don't have a very full life. My life is my family and work. That's it.

I have casual acquaintances, that's it. My adult conversation (other than with people related to me) consists of "Hi, how are you? That's nice. Well happy New Year."
Or work related, "Hi, OK, what's the deadline. I'll have them back by then."

Other than the hour I sit with adults at various sporting events during the week, I do not talk to adults (unless they are related to me.)

I can't even remember the last time I went to see a movie, or when someone (not related, sensing a theme) called or stopped by just to say hello. For that matter, I don't even get emails like that. OK, one this month.

I try to keep contact open, but it doesn't work. I have sent the emails to let people know I'm still around. "Hey, just wanted to check in. We've got to get together. Call me, we'll go for coffee."
I get the usual response, "Yes, we have to." And that's it. That's as far as it goes.
I made the phone calls (and this is hard for me because I am not a phone person). Same thing.
I stop by my old job to say hi. "Great to see you, we have to get together. We miss you so much." And that's it. No phone calls. No emails. No getting together.

I don't even have an explanation for why this happened. These people who don't call really were friends. There was definitely not a falling out, and on the rare occasions that we do see each other briefly they are genuinely happy to see me. So why is it so hard to keep these friendships?

It's sad that this is the way it is, but there is nothing more I can do, but let it go. I have also decided to get out and do more. I am tired of living life on the sidelines. I want more out of life. Much more.
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This came in my email I think it is appropriate with what I was saying.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.

posted by Kelly @ 1/17/2004 05:05:00 PM

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