Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Friday, March 26, 2004

How to Have Fun With a Teenager

Things you need:
1 husband in rare form
1 teenage daughter in typical form

That's it. Husband needs to say a few things to get the ball rolling. I think it started with "pull my finger."

Response from teenager, "EEEEW DAAAAAD THAT'S SO GROSSS, THAT'S JUST SICK!!!! MOOOOOOMMMM MAKE HIM STOP!!!"

Well I don't know where this kid has been living for the last 14 years but anyone who has lived in this house knows that you can't make dad stop when he's on a roll.
Dad proceed to chase screaming daughter from room to room saying, "Pull my finger. Pull my finger."

Daughter continued to scream, "DAD STOP, DAD STOP, DAAAAAAAADDDDD, STOP. MOM MAKE HIM STOP."

At this point mom couldn't do anything she was laughing too hard.

The festivities died down, but I made the mistake of say something to get dad going again. Really it was innocent, "Those jeans look nice on you."

"Thanks. Hey Michelle, mom said I look hot. Do you think I'm one of the hot dads?"

"EEEW DAD, STOP, THAT IS WRONG!!!!" This was said while making funny faces, fake gagging and shaking a little with fake chills. I'm sure you know the routine.

The routine really got the dad going, "No, really you know how there is always a hot dad..."

"DAAAADDDDD. PLEASE, STOP. THAT IS SO WRONG. EEWWWW THAT'S NOT RIGHT. STOP." More gagging, funny faces.

This was just the warm up. At this point I was laughing so hard and having so much fun I started egging him on. I kept saying I never knew a teenager could be this much fun. It doesn't take much for me to have fun.

Ok now here's where it got really good. Now, please bear with me to the end of the story. I think you'll like the way it ends.

Dad decided to really push it and said, "I have to talk to you about some female issues."

Daughter screamed louder than I have ever heard her scream. Ear popping, glass breaking, I think I'm dead screaming. She broke an arm (wait, twice) and never screamed like that.

Dad was not about to stop. "It's natural honey, your body is changing. Did they talk to you about this in school."

"MOM, MAKE HIM STOP. OH GOD, DAD, PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE STOP. MOM STOP LAUGHING THIS ISN'T FUNNY."

Screaming teenage daughter leaves the room declaring she has the strangest parents in the world. (Now really we aren't mean this was all in fun.)

Dad follows, he is not giving up. He's having too much fun.

Teen daughter is making plans to go out and as usual we are the chauffeurs. Dad has the honors of pick up tonight. Teen daughter makes fatal mistake of using the phone.
Dad picks up the phone and says, "About what we are talking about, we can talk later, when I pick you up."

"DAAAAAADDDDDDD." I swear I heard an ear drum pop (poor friend--she would have lost them at a concert in a year or two anyway).

Teenage daughter gets off phone and tries to find a safe haven away from dad and enters the bathroom.

Dad stands at door and says, "Really we can talk about this. I'll even take you shopping."

Teen daughter bangs on door. I think the voice gave out from all the high pitched screaming.

Dad continues, "I'll take you to Sam's club, we can buy products in bulk there."

More banging and attempts to scream.

"No really, I hear they have the best make-up there. Don't you want to get some."

Laughter can be heard from the other bathroom where second teen daughter has been quietly taking this all in, "Good one Dad."

Silence from first bathroom. At least one of them has our sense of humor.

posted by Kelly @ 3/26/2004 08:31:00 PM

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