Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

I'm bothered today. I say I'm bothered because I can't think of a better word. I'm a bit annoyed, upset, frustrated, confused, puzzled, but not enough to say I am one of these things. So, "I'm bothered" sums it up as good as I can.

Why?

I'm feeling stuck again. Nothing new is coming. I am still not hearing anything and don't have enough confidence to write back and ask why.

Please send me some confidence.

I have to write a bio and I am having a very hard time with it. It is making me feel like a nobody, nothing. "Kelly lives in a small town in the middle of no where with her husband and three wonderful children and her dog. She writes and paints and fixes her house. She is a big dreamer and hopes to be published in a lot of places someday, but so far she hasn't gotten the responses she hoped for. She spends all of her waking moments trying to be a writer and artist and squeezes in time to be a wife, mother, cook, maid, chauffeur, general contractor and interior decorator. So far the producers of Trading Spaces haven't asked for her advice, although she thinks she can do a better job with less money than some of the professionals they have now.

Kelly has taken some college classes, but not enough to get a degree. Her mixed crayon personality gave her a diverse class schedule though. (Hey maybe I can almost be a photographer who can write the questions I will ask the patients in the psychologists practice I can't have because I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do. But, hey I can draw a mean cartoon that expresses their feelings.)

She tried waitressing for almost twenty years, but that was just to practice her autograph and fake smile for when she becomes famous. She learned it had all been a waste when she sat for her head shots, the fake smile made her look ridiculous. Now at least she knows why the tips weren't always so great.

Kelly could go on and on and on about herself, but it would sound as stupid as the rest of this, so she will stop.

Please send me some ideas on how to write a perfect bio.

I was offered a job yesterday. It is not the job I want. I didn't apply for it. One of my old bosses called and offered me my old job back. I should be flattered, but all I can think of is how much I don't want to do it. I asked for signs from the universe and this is the offer I got. Is the universe telling me to pack up my pencil, paper and paints and get back to the office. That is not the message I want.

Please send me the work I want.

I stopped by another old job. This was the dumbest thing I could have done. I was out walking and dropped a bill of in the building where I used to work and thought it would be fun to go see my old work buddies. BIG, BIG, BIG mistake. As soon as I left there I felt bad. It didn't matter that they were all nice to me and happy to see me. I left there feeling awful, and I don't know why. By being there I knew without a doubt that I had made the right decision about leaving that world, and I left vowing I would never go back there. Then I started thinking, what if I have to if I don't start earning more from doing this. It snowballed from there.

Please send me my positive mood back.

I'm upset for my son. He is a terrific kid who beats to his own drum. He's also one of those kids who is stuck in the middle (a lot like me). He is not a superstar at the things he wants to be a superstar at. He is a superstar at being himself, but when you are 17 that's not enough. He tries so hard, and he never quite makes it to the other side. He's on the volleyball team and he has been busting his butt to make varsity, and last night he found out that he's number 9 and number 8 is the cut off. He also found out that one of the reasons he was dropped down was because he had to work on Sunday and didn't make practice. He has to work to keep his car and doesn't have a problem with this. He has a problem with the consequences of it, and I don't blame him. I could have cried when he said, "Mom, life isn't fair." What do I say to that when I feel the same way at times.

Please send me the answers.

posted by Kelly @ 3/16/2004 08:34:00 AM

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