Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

My life the last 6 months have been full of Synchronicity. When I accept what the universe offers everything goes well. When I fight it, that's when there is trouble.

Here are just a few big things that happened in the past six months:

On July 8, 2003 I wrote this in my journal: "I want a new job. I want it soon and I want my job, doing what I want to do, controlling the shots." At this point I didn't even know I wanted to be a writer for a living. I thought that I could never do that. Then things just started to happen that pointed me in the direction of writing. I found a web site for a writing course, sent the application on July 26 and wrote this: "My Dreams are about to come true. I took the first step and good things are starting already. I am not going to sabotage this. I am good enough. I can write, and I will be a writer."

On Aug. 16 I found Alex Beauchamp's Girl at Play web site and I wrote down my name and the words: Not Quite Grown-up, sound familiar?

Aug 21, 2003 was the one year anniversary of me starting what I thought was the perfect job, I took the day off because it was not even close to my perfect job. I wrote this: "I am declaring today my independence day. I start living my life the way I want to and stop living it the way everyone else thinks I should. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I know what job will make me happy. I am going to be a writer. I am going to write books. I am going to write whatever I want. I am going to work for this because I know writing will make me happy. I will find a way to earn a living writing and I will free myself from working for anyone else again. I have stopped thinking that this will just happen, if I want it bad enough, and realized that I am the power that can make it happen. It is a good feeling that realize that I am that powerful.

I have been searching and searching for my purpose and it has been with me all along. Writing can give me freedom. My writing can help others. Writing can get me noticed. Writing can be everything I have always wanted in a job.

I have decided that right now, I am a writer and I am going to be a writer forever."

I also listed my goals:
Publish a story (done)
Finish writing class (working on it)
Write a Novel (ah, working on it sort of --in my mind)
Write a series of children's books

During this time a new girl was hired at work she was a photographer (just graduated college) and she had done photo work for a local paper. She called the editor for me and I submitted a piece. All kinds of synchronicity went on here. This person only worked with me for 2 months. She left two weeks after I did. She was just there, right when I needed her. I always tell her she was an angel sent right to me. She was one of those people that always said the most wonderful things to me and really motivated me to try writing. It was like she just appeared in my life so I would know I was meant to be a writer.

Back in August when I declared I wanted to be a writer, I never intended to quit my job. I thought I would do both. I never imagined that I could just quit, I relied on my income, but something told me that I had to do it. Here is what I wrote were the things stopping me from quitting:

1. Money
2. Fear of not being able to make it writing

To that I wrote: "go for what you want. If you are not happy, no one around you will be happy. You will survive. You did the same thing 18 months ago. If you don't take the chance you never will. This will eat you up. The time to be happy is now. The time to act is now. The time for this is now. Do what you really want to be: a writer."

As soon as I wrote that, I felt calm and I knew what to do. I knew without a doubt that I would make it. Money would come from somewhere. That was the day I walked in and quit my job. I was going to get a promotion and a raise. I didn't want it. I was going to be a writer. I didn't even have one thing published. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew that I was not going to be a customer service rep/sales person/order taker/supply co co-ordinator/organizer! I wrote this to myself so I would go through it:

"Be Brave. Stand your ground. You want to be a writer. Don't listen to (Boss) . She does not know you. She does not know your dreams. She has know idea what I'm really good at. She has never given me a chance to shine in these areas."

I was scared to death, but I knew that because I was honest with myself and went for what I believed in and wanted that I would succeed.

And then I promptly panicked and fell apart and stopped accepting the signs, and thought that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I started doubting myself and then came down with my first serious case of writer's block. I missed this sign that I wrote:

"I need to convince myself of all of this before anyone else is going to believe in me. I need to stop being wishy washy about this. I need to start saying that I am going to be a writer. I have always wanted to be a writer and nothing is going to get in my way. There is a way to make money doing this, and I am going to do it." And I followed with a list of ideas that I completely ignored. I also wrote the following words: "Getting Published in 30 days."

Then I fell apart. I stopped looking for and listening to the signs and I fell apart. The signs are always there, but we don't always listen.

The funny thing about synchronicity is it wants to be heard so it started banging me on the head again. I got an email from someone that said just what I needed to hear. I found a book that had answers to questions I was asking--it was like it was written for me. The book suggested visioning to get what you want. I wrote this:

I am very happy being a freelance writer submitting my work for publication and being paid the money I need while working from home."

At the bottom I wrote. "My first article will be accepted by Oct. 1, 2003" and on Sept. 30, 2003 I found out I would be published.

I think my problem is that I try to complicate things too much. There are signs all around me all the time and help is being offered, but if I think it is too simple I dismiss it.

Something important that I might add is that around this time I started writing other things I would like to do for a job. One of this was an artist. I wrote in on a list of jobs I would like to have. I wrote it and forgot about it. More on that later.

In October, my girls started going over to a certain friends house more often. Her mom was an artist. One day I went in to meet her and we started talking about her art and I mentioned that quit my job to write. A few days latter, she asked me to read a story she had written that was inspired by one of her new lines. I read it, loved it and helped with some re-writes on it. We started discussing a series of children's books. This still hasn't come about, but I still think it is something that will. (Another thing I can knock of that list of goals.) This particular artist has been responsible for a few more bits of synchronicity in my life.

As I am writing this I am remembering so many little things that happened over the past six months. I think that is important. I started out seeing the big things that have happened and now see that so many little things have been working with me as well. Little nudges pointing me in the right direction that I wasn't even aware of until I started thinking more about it.

Every website, book, conversation, chance meeting, phone call can be synchronity in action.

More big things. I think my shift into art was the biggest thing of all. There was all kind of syncronicity happening there. First, I was given a cheap paint set as a stocking stuffer for a Christmas present. I put it away an forgot about it for a month. Then one day I picked it up and started to paint. A few days later I painted something and I thought to myself "I wish I could post this on my blog," I then found a way that allowed me to do this. Why hadn't I found these before when I looked? Right about the same time an author was looking for an illustrator. Ok, maybe she would have found the picture if I had done this on a different day, but I like to think it was meant to be. One thing led to another and I posted on that day that she needed an artist. Boom! That's cosmic timing.

Then suddenly I was an artist and seeing that there was a real possibility that I could do this for a living. Then I started getting all kinds of signs pushing me toward art. I started inquiring about things I would need as an artist, and found that I should use a certain kind of software. I priced it and almost fell on the floor, then out of the blue I was offered this software. Someone was upgrading and didn't need it anymore. Other small things happened as well. I was lead to certain websites, stores, people, etc.

Then I started fighting that as well. "But, I want to be a writer."

This leads me to a final bit of synchronicity. My artwork, lead me to a discussion, that lead me to my journal. I opened my journal and starting writing this. Re-reading the journal made me start seeing things more clearly and also made me realize that my art isn't stopping me from writing, but allowing me to do another creative thing. My writing actually lead me back to my art and I am discovering that maybe this is what I was being led to all along.

I have probably confused many of you at this point, but I am seeing things more clearly than I have in a long time. Swimming upstream is hard, I need to go with the flow and it will all work out.

posted by Kelly @ 3/24/2004 10:24:00 AM

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