Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Job talk has been all around me lately, and listening to some of the stories and advice has made me consider re-entering the working world. That seems silly to say, because I actually never left. I have really worked hard these past ten months at home. I love working at home, but I really miss the stability of a paycheck. Knowing that I would get paid at the end of the week was always comforting to me.

Another reason I am considering it is the fact that over the past 10 months I have slowly been turning into a recluse, and I don't like that at all. I avoid phone calls, I make excuses to stay in the house, and sometimes I absolutely dread the thought of going out in the big bad world. But, lately my safe haven is feeling more like a prison. At first the peace was wonderful and the idea of answering only to myself and being responsible for my own financial well being was exhilarating. It isn't anymore. Now it seems scary and desperate.

The problem is I know what will happen if I do get a job out there again: within a few months I will be craving my solitude again and cursing the fact that I have to see other people on a daily basis.

I have a strange personality. I think for the most part I am an extrovert who does really well around other people, but in limited doses. It is like a drug, I go out, interact with people then I am cured for a bit and I am perfectly content to be alone. The "drug" is good for me, but if I take to much of it I feel overwhelmed (overdosed). I have never been able to find the balance, the correct dosage.

In an attempt to do this the right way for once, I am only looking for and applying for jobs that I really want. I have decided that no matter what I am not going to settle. I have settled far to often in the past and it has left me miserable.

Another thing I am doing is looking for social interaction in other ways. I have considered that maybe it is being around people that I crave and not really a job. I do after all have a job at home that while there is never a 100% chance that it will continue, it has been fairly consistent over the past ten months. So, yesterday, I enquired about some volunteer work in my community. The problem that I had in the past with volunteering is that I was always stuck doing things I didn't want to do, so this time, I very clearly stated my interests, and surprise, surprise, it worked like a charm. I have some meetings set up and I am hoping it works out. I have a feeling it will, because again, I decided to ask for what I wanted and not settle for what I am given.

If this is a list of reasons why I need to get back out into the world, my husband pitched in his opinion and it was good advice. He doesn't have a problem with me working at home, and he has been very supportive in my quest to pursue my dreams. He isn't trying to get me back out there to get a paycheck, but he did point out that I could probably get more ideas, hear more things, see how people interact, etc. if I was actually out there experiencing it. He's afraid that I am suffocating my creativity sitting at home worrying about it and thinks that I would find more "material" if I got out of the house more. And, he is right. I married a smart man.

I am not going rush to find something, but I am going to keep my eyes and mind open. If something comes up I will explore the possibility. Over the past few months my opinion about employment has changed, and I no longer consider getting a job a bad thing, or a sign that I have failed. It is just another step (or another thing I have to do) towards my goal.

posted by Kelly @ 8/08/2004 11:06:00 AM

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