Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Friday, September 03, 2004

I am actively seeking a job. This in no way means I am giving up writing or art. I've come to the conclusion that it is what I need to do at the moment in order to continue and support my creative path.

I am done being upset by it. When the reality first hit that this would have to happen, I was really freakin' upset (to put it mildly). Upset to the point where I was almost physically sick thinking about working in the real world again. It was more than getting a job and not working from home anymore.

A year ago I was able to leave that world, and I never, ever wanted to go back there again. Knowing that I had to made me feel like a big, fat failure and I could hear all the negative crap I had to listen to before. You won't make money writing, It's really hard to break in to writing, once you start writing full time it will feel like a job and you'll want to quit that too, and so on. What was everyone going to think?

Caring about what other people think is a terrible waste of time. There is always someone who is going to have something bad to say (even if they don't have all the facts). As sad as this is, I thing it is just human nature. Over the past year, I have been working very hard to stop worrying about what others thing, and most of the time I am successful, but it is a very easy trap to get sucked into. Yes, I was trapped, but luckily I broke free.

I thought about how much I have done, learned and accomplished over this past year. It is amazing! Yes, that's right, I'm saying something nice about myself, and I don't feel bad or conceited or phony. I knew nothing about the writing and art world a year ago--only that I wanted to be part of it--and I can't even begin to list everything I have learned and done in this past year. A friend reminded me yesterday how much I have evolved, and I agree. As a person, writer, and artist, I have changed tremendously in a year. And sometimes when we change, we need to alter the plan.

When I first started to write, I was not sure what I wanted to write. I had no clue who to write for, what topics to write about, basically I wanted to write and that's about all I knew. I wrote fiction, non-fiction, essays, poems, short stories, and plotted novels in my head. I was unfocused and desperate to sell writing, so I would try anything and send stuff haphazardly to any place I could think of. The results were dismal. Then I didn't write, and I was miserable. I slowly started to figure out what kind of writer I wanted to be. I by no means have all the answers, but I think I am getting closer. Right now I am fairly certain that I want to be a novelist. It is what I have always wanted. Whenever I spoke about writing, it was always, "When I write a book," or, "I want to be the next Judy Blume." And when I envision myself as a writer that's what I see.

When I started writing the novel I'm working on now, things just clicked. I can't describe it, but it felt right. This is what I wanted. And knowing this, I also knew that to do this I would need a job. Eventually, this will pay off, but until it does, I need to do everything I can to support my dream. I need to write, an research, learn and be happy. At the moment, paying bills, and having extra cash are things that will make me less stressed. Being less stressed will make me happy, and will allow me to concentrate more on writing my novel. A job will support my dream, so it is a good think. That's when I became alright about the job search.

I wanted to mention my artist goals to, because they are important to me to. Recently I have been getting more positive feed back about illustrations and my cartoon, and I am feeling good about it. I want to do more with this, but I'm not 100% sure what that is. I would love to see my cartoon in syndication, but I know that is a long way off. I would love to illustrate more books, and I really want to illustrate a children's book. In the meantime I want to continue illustrating and learning as I try to figure out how I can make a living doing all of this. I'll take it one step and one drawing at a time.

Right now, a steady income is the right answer for me, my family, and my dreams.

posted by Kelly @ 9/03/2004 07:06:00 AM

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