Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Great minds must think alike. So many times when I feel like saying something, I surf around the blog-o-sphere, and find that it has already been said. This happened a lot to me when I was writing too.

And yes, you read that last sentence correctly. WHEN I was writing. I have not been writing, not at all. I have been using the lame excuse that I am busy or tired, but I know that if I really wanted to write I could make the time. Truth is, I don't feel like writing. I don't really want to write, and I don't feel like I have any to say. And, when I have made a half ass attempt at writing anything, it is just plain awful (to me anyway).

I had great expectations last year when I started my writing career. My high hopes fizzled fast. I also had tremendous beginner's luck. Everything I submitted was published in the beginning, then it was a steady decline. I have the pile of rejection letters to prove it. Yes, I know, that means I'm a real writer. It also made me feel like a real loser. I'm standing up and admitting that I have a constant need for approval and writing didn't feel that need.

I know I am in a slump--I've been here before and I recognize the signs. This time though, I'm not so sure I want to continue on the writing path. Truthfully, it hasn't given me what I thought it would. Sure, in the beginning (the initial high) was wonderful, but the more reality set in, the more I really started to think that the writing life wasn't for me.

Art also worked to fill the void for awhile, but that excitement also faded when assignments stopped flowing. You see, I have come to the conclusion that as much as I want a job that I love, I also want and need a paycheck.

It is funny where my path has lead, to a job that I love that also provides a steady paycheck. Maybe being a preschool teacher was what I was searching for all along. Who knows? I will admit that at the moment I am perfectly content just being a assistant teacher. It really is the best job I ever had, and it really is fun. Even the bad days aren't so bad. At its worst, I have a child who is acting up and giving me grief. Ten minutes later this same child is usually smiling at me and asking if he can hold my hand. Forgiveness comes easy with small children. It's only one of the wonderful things I learned at my job.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make with my rambling is that I don't know where this blog is heading. If I'm not actively pursuing a writing and art career do I really need this blog or a web site? I don't know. Will I change my mind about all of this next week? Again, I don't know. One thing I have learned for certain is that life is full of surprises and constantly changing. Bear with me, someday I might have a clue. Some how I doubt it though.

PS To my friends: I want you to know that I am fine. Actually I am very happy and quite content at the moment. Looking at writing and an art as a hobby is rather freeing. I'm not stressing because I am not doing it. I'm enjoying it when I do it. And most importantly, I am having fun just living, being me. Now that I have made this "confession," I will probably have more time to contact all of you. Now I won't feel guilty just saying "hi" and not reporting all of my writing and art ventures.

posted by Kelly @ 11/04/2004 02:17:00 PM

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