| Wednesday, March 31, 2004 |
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I'm very unfocused today. I have made my list of things to do and I am ignoring it. I don't feel like doing any of it. I know I have to dig in and get it done, but I'm feeling like a spoiled child at the moment and saying "I don't wanna do it."
So instead I'm reading emails, blog hopping, making lists and I even stopped and went for a walk. I thought the walk would clear my mind and I thought when I came back I would be ready to tackle my list. I'm still not ready.
Instead I thought I would make another list of things I noticed today.
1. I like brown roofs on houses. They have to be the several shades of brown and mostly darker brown. These kinds of roof remind me of fairy tale cottages. My roof is dark gray and has burgundy here and there. I like it (it matches my house) but I like the cottage looking roofs better. I don't like light color roofs. They aren't appealing to me, but I won't hold it against anyone if they live in a house with a light color roof.
2. Oak trees don't lose there leaves like other trees. I saw 3 oak trees at one house that still had most of its leaves. They were brown and dead, but they were still on the tree. None of the other trees had leaves on them. As I walked I noticed many more oak trees with leaves but no other trees with them. I wonder why the Oak tree leaves don't fall off as much as the other ones?
3. Many more squirrels are out to play. I also saw a squirrel with only half his tail. He looked like a really skinny rabbit.
4. I smile every time I see a tree house. I want a tree house. I have a huge tree stump in my yard from a pine tree we had cut down. When the tree was being cut I asked them to leave it tall so I could build a tree house on top of it. I still want that tree house. If it ever gets built I want to set up an outdoor office in it.
5. I noticed that I always try to see things in attic windows. I always look to see if someone is there. An attic is my favorite part in the house. If I had an attic in my house (one that wasn't made for some one three feet tall) I'd have my office or work space in the attic.
6. We don't have many sidewalks in my town. Most of the roads on my walking routes don't have them, but whenever I am on a road with sidewalks I have to walk on them. These are roads that have very little traffic and it wouldn't matter if I walked down the middle of the street.
7. If there is a wall I can walk on I find myself doing it more often. It's fun.
8. I pick things up when I walk. In the last week I picked up an card, an old lottery ticket and a postcard ad for Atlantic City. I try to think of the meaning of me finding them. I hope they mean I will be winning a jackpot! I also pick up other things like rocks, interesting leaves, walnuts, pinecones. I line them up on my desk.
9. People lose a lot of clothing in the winter. I see gloves, scarves and hats all along the road. I even saw a towel today. You can tell they have been there awhile and have defrosted.
10. I am very intrigued by steps that go nowhere. I wonder what was there before. There had to be a reason for the steps and that makes me wonder why they left the steps when they took where they led to down. |
posted by Kelly @ 3/31/2004 11:27:00 AM   |
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| Tuesday, March 30, 2004 |
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Some days start out great and then keep getting better. Today must be my reward for a bad day yesterday.
Good news #1--The book with the illustrations I drew for the wonderful writer Shelley Divnich Haggert is on the way to the printer and THE BOOK (Generation Xhausted) will be out in mid April. That's right, I will be able to hold in my hands a real book that I illustrated. (Has a way of putting those nasty rejections in prospective!)
Good New #2--My first thought this morning was Hmm, I wonder whose birthday it is? I didn't have to wonder long. Within an hour I found out my Cousin Sheri had two beautiful, healthy twin girls (Sam and Alex) this morning. I don't know many all the details, but all are doing well. Oh, I wish I could go to Florida to see them! We plan on going there in June, but I don't want to wait that long!
Good News #3--The nicest people stop by here and say the nicest things. Thank you! |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/30/2004 08:25:00 AM |
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| Monday, March 29, 2004 |
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Men (women too!) succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparation for their victories. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I got a rejection letter today. Wait, it wasn't a letter, it was only my artwork returned in my S.A.S.E. I didn't even get a letter, not even a form letter. OK, I'm human, I cried. The funny thing is that I got over it a lot faster than I thought I would--much faster than I used to.
As soon as I saw the envelope I knew it wasn't good news. The fact that the envelope was covered with footprints wasn't a good sign either. It looked like I felt. I knew that if I got it back it meant that they didn't want it. Just a few weeks ago this would have kept me down for days. I refuse to let it. The best way to deal with rejection of your work is to deal with it quickly and let it go. It will not do me one bit of good to let this keep me down. The whole get back up on the horse thing.
This is only one out of thousands of places I will send my work and my guess is the first of many rejections I will get. But a wise person told me once that there is always someone that will buy your work. He is a potter who sells his work at craft fairs. Trying to cheer me up one day he told me that he's lucky because in his work if he's drawing a blank he could always make a bowl, "there's always a tourist from New Jersey who will buy a bowl." Well there is always someone out there who will buy my work. I just have to find my tourist.
*Note* No offense intended to anyone in New Jersey. I love New Jersey. I have been a tourist from PA buying many things in New Jersey. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/29/2004 09:48:00 PM |
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| Friday, March 26, 2004 |
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How to Have Fun With a Teenager
Things you need:
1 husband in rare form
1 teenage daughter in typical form
That's it. Husband needs to say a few things to get the ball rolling. I think it started with "pull my finger."
Response from teenager, "EEEEW DAAAAAD THAT'S SO GROSSS, THAT'S JUST SICK!!!! MOOOOOOMMMM MAKE HIM STOP!!!"
Well I don't know where this kid has been living for the last 14 years but anyone who has lived in this house knows that you can't make dad stop when he's on a roll.
Dad proceed to chase screaming daughter from room to room saying, "Pull my finger. Pull my finger."
Daughter continued to scream, "DAD STOP, DAD STOP, DAAAAAAAADDDDD, STOP. MOM MAKE HIM STOP."
At this point mom couldn't do anything she was laughing too hard.
The festivities died down, but I made the mistake of say something to get dad going again. Really it was innocent, "Those jeans look nice on you."
"Thanks. Hey Michelle, mom said I look hot. Do you think I'm one of the hot dads?"
"EEEW DAD, STOP, THAT IS WRONG!!!!" This was said while making funny faces, fake gagging and shaking a little with fake chills. I'm sure you know the routine.
The routine really got the dad going, "No, really you know how there is always a hot dad..."
"DAAAADDDDD. PLEASE, STOP. THAT IS SO WRONG. EEWWWW THAT'S NOT RIGHT. STOP." More gagging, funny faces.
This was just the warm up. At this point I was laughing so hard and having so much fun I started egging him on. I kept saying I never knew a teenager could be this much fun. It doesn't take much for me to have fun.
Ok now here's where it got really good. Now, please bear with me to the end of the story. I think you'll like the way it ends.
Dad decided to really push it and said, "I have to talk to you about some female issues."
Daughter screamed louder than I have ever heard her scream. Ear popping, glass breaking, I think I'm dead screaming. She broke an arm (wait, twice) and never screamed like that.
Dad was not about to stop. "It's natural honey, your body is changing. Did they talk to you about this in school."
"MOM, MAKE HIM STOP. OH GOD, DAD, PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE STOP. MOM STOP LAUGHING THIS ISN'T FUNNY."
Screaming teenage daughter leaves the room declaring she has the strangest parents in the world. (Now really we aren't mean this was all in fun.)
Dad follows, he is not giving up. He's having too much fun.
Teen daughter is making plans to go out and as usual we are the chauffeurs. Dad has the honors of pick up tonight. Teen daughter makes fatal mistake of using the phone.
Dad picks up the phone and says, "About what we are talking about, we can talk later, when I pick you up."
"DAAAAAADDDDDDD." I swear I heard an ear drum pop (poor friend--she would have lost them at a concert in a year or two anyway).
Teenage daughter gets off phone and tries to find a safe haven away from dad and enters the bathroom.
Dad stands at door and says, "Really we can talk about this. I'll even take you shopping."
Teen daughter bangs on door. I think the voice gave out from all the high pitched screaming.
Dad continues, "I'll take you to Sam's club, we can buy products in bulk there."
More banging and attempts to scream.
"No really, I hear they have the best make-up there. Don't you want to get some."
Laughter can be heard from the other bathroom where second teen daughter has been quietly taking this all in, "Good one Dad."
Silence from first bathroom. At least one of them has our sense of humor. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/26/2004 08:31:00 PM |
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Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods. ~Japanese Proverb
"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."~Kahlil Gibran Lebanese Poet and Novelist
I am going with the same theme that I have been seeing on so many sites lately. I can't help it, I got the fever. As in Spring.
I think (I'm whispering) that it is finally here. It sure feels that way. It is warm, sunny, the birds (including robins) are singing, the flowers are popping up everywhere and most importantly, the snow is gone. All of it. I didn't see one pile left while I was walking. And there were some big piles out there, so this is a good sign. I don't think I have ever hidden my dislike of winter. If it is gone, I'm all for celebrating.
So, I think instead of writing something here today, I will go out and enjoy the wonderful weather instead.
I hope it is warm and sunny wherever you are so you can enjoy it too. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/26/2004 02:03:00 PM |
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| Thursday, March 25, 2004 |
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"I love you." ~first user unknown-widely used by the masses-perfect for all occasions--can always be repeated
The very first thing my daughter said to me when I woke her up today was, "I love you Mamma."
Talk about a day brightener. Before she thought about still being tired, before she thought about school and what to wear, she thought about me. I feel so special.
I wish I could bottle up moments like that and sprinkle them on whenever I need a pick-me-up. I know I could sell that stuff.
There is another type of moment that I wish I could bottle up and save for latter: Those times when you are doing something and all the feelings you have are completely positive, the times when you don't let one moment of negative enter your thoughts.
I walk a lot. I think I walk at least two miles, but I have a feeling most times it is more. I don't plot a course before I go. I just decide which direction to go and I walk. When I am out walking I feel good. Very good. I feel thin and fit and healthy. My mind allows me to believe that I can do anything. I think about entering races, organizing walks to motivate others, and sometimes I even think about running. I feel like I can.
It takes me all of two seconds to lose these thoughts as soon as I come home. Why? How can I keep these feelings?
It's like that with writing too. When I'm walking, I am bursting with ideas. I take a paper and pen and stop at times to write things down. Yesterday I even sat somewhere for a bit and wrote. I was bubbling with ideas. When I come home and try to elaborate on these ideas, they seem so flat. They don't have the appeal they did when I was thinking about them while walking. I don't dismiss them and say they are bad ideas, I actually think some of them are good. Writing about them later just isn't the same. When the excitement level isn't there anymore the writing seems flat. I wish I could stay in that moment of imagination and keep reality away.
This applies to the idea of being a writer or artist too. When I am out walking and I let my imagination and ideas flow, I can picture myself being these things, living this dream. I picture the books and the art. I picture book signings and profits. I picture the life I have because of the things I created. I feel so deserving of these things and I feel like I will have them. Yesterday I even felt like something was going to happen. I had this knowing feeling that when I got home, I would have some big news. I expected to come and find out that I had sold an article or that the card company was going to use my ideas (and pay me for them!). I really felt this was going to happen. It didn't. This made me doubt my instincts because I was that sure it was going to happen.
It did not discourage me, but I wish I could figure out how to keep those feelings. I love those moments.
And just in case no one said this to you yet today, I love you for reading this! |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/25/2004 07:54:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 |
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My life the last 6 months have been full of Synchronicity. When I accept what the universe offers everything goes well. When I fight it, that's when there is trouble.
Here are just a few big things that happened in the past six months:
On July 8, 2003 I wrote this in my journal: "I want a new job. I want it soon and I want my job, doing what I want to do, controlling the shots." At this point I didn't even know I wanted to be a writer for a living. I thought that I could never do that. Then things just started to happen that pointed me in the direction of writing. I found a web site for a writing course, sent the application on July 26 and wrote this: "My Dreams are about to come true. I took the first step and good things are starting already. I am not going to sabotage this. I am good enough. I can write, and I will be a writer."
On Aug. 16 I found Alex Beauchamp's Girl at Play web site and I wrote down my name and the words: Not Quite Grown-up, sound familiar?
Aug 21, 2003 was the one year anniversary of me starting what I thought was the perfect job, I took the day off because it was not even close to my perfect job. I wrote this: "I am declaring today my independence day. I start living my life the way I want to and stop living it the way everyone else thinks I should. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I know what job will make me happy. I am going to be a writer. I am going to write books. I am going to write whatever I want. I am going to work for this because I know writing will make me happy. I will find a way to earn a living writing and I will free myself from working for anyone else again. I have stopped thinking that this will just happen, if I want it bad enough, and realized that I am the power that can make it happen. It is a good feeling that realize that I am that powerful.
I have been searching and searching for my purpose and it has been with me all along. Writing can give me freedom. My writing can help others. Writing can get me noticed. Writing can be everything I have always wanted in a job.
I have decided that right now, I am a writer and I am going to be a writer forever."
I also listed my goals:
Publish a story (done)
Finish writing class (working on it)
Write a Novel (ah, working on it sort of --in my mind)
Write a series of children's books
During this time a new girl was hired at work she was a photographer (just graduated college) and she had done photo work for a local paper. She called the editor for me and I submitted a piece. All kinds of synchronicity went on here. This person only worked with me for 2 months. She left two weeks after I did. She was just there, right when I needed her. I always tell her she was an angel sent right to me. She was one of those people that always said the most wonderful things to me and really motivated me to try writing. It was like she just appeared in my life so I would know I was meant to be a writer.
Back in August when I declared I wanted to be a writer, I never intended to quit my job. I thought I would do both. I never imagined that I could just quit, I relied on my income, but something told me that I had to do it. Here is what I wrote were the things stopping me from quitting:
1. Money
2. Fear of not being able to make it writing
To that I wrote: "go for what you want. If you are not happy, no one around you will be happy. You will survive. You did the same thing 18 months ago. If you don't take the chance you never will. This will eat you up. The time to be happy is now. The time to act is now. The time for this is now. Do what you really want to be: a writer."
As soon as I wrote that, I felt calm and I knew what to do. I knew without a doubt that I would make it. Money would come from somewhere. That was the day I walked in and quit my job. I was going to get a promotion and a raise. I didn't want it. I was going to be a writer. I didn't even have one thing published. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew that I was not going to be a customer service rep/sales person/order taker/supply co co-ordinator/organizer! I wrote this to myself so I would go through it:
"Be Brave. Stand your ground. You want to be a writer. Don't listen to (Boss) . She does not know you. She does not know your dreams. She has know idea what I'm really good at. She has never given me a chance to shine in these areas."
I was scared to death, but I knew that because I was honest with myself and went for what I believed in and wanted that I would succeed.
And then I promptly panicked and fell apart and stopped accepting the signs, and thought that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I started doubting myself and then came down with my first serious case of writer's block. I missed this sign that I wrote:
"I need to convince myself of all of this before anyone else is going to believe in me. I need to stop being wishy washy about this. I need to start saying that I am going to be a writer. I have always wanted to be a writer and nothing is going to get in my way. There is a way to make money doing this, and I am going to do it." And I followed with a list of ideas that I completely ignored. I also wrote the following words: "Getting Published in 30 days."
Then I fell apart. I stopped looking for and listening to the signs and I fell apart. The signs are always there, but we don't always listen.
The funny thing about synchronicity is it wants to be heard so it started banging me on the head again. I got an email from someone that said just what I needed to hear. I found a book that had answers to questions I was asking--it was like it was written for me. The book suggested visioning to get what you want. I wrote this:
I am very happy being a freelance writer submitting my work for publication and being paid the money I need while working from home."
At the bottom I wrote. "My first article will be accepted by Oct. 1, 2003" and on Sept. 30, 2003 I found out I would be published.
I think my problem is that I try to complicate things too much. There are signs all around me all the time and help is being offered, but if I think it is too simple I dismiss it.
Something important that I might add is that around this time I started writing other things I would like to do for a job. One of this was an artist. I wrote in on a list of jobs I would like to have. I wrote it and forgot about it. More on that later.
In October, my girls started going over to a certain friends house more often. Her mom was an artist. One day I went in to meet her and we started talking about her art and I mentioned that quit my job to write. A few days latter, she asked me to read a story she had written that was inspired by one of her new lines. I read it, loved it and helped with some re-writes on it. We started discussing a series of children's books. This still hasn't come about, but I still think it is something that will. (Another thing I can knock of that list of goals.) This particular artist has been responsible for a few more bits of synchronicity in my life.
As I am writing this I am remembering so many little things that happened over the past six months. I think that is important. I started out seeing the big things that have happened and now see that so many little things have been working with me as well. Little nudges pointing me in the right direction that I wasn't even aware of until I started thinking more about it.
Every website, book, conversation, chance meeting, phone call can be synchronity in action.
More big things. I think my shift into art was the biggest thing of all. There was all kind of syncronicity happening there. First, I was given a cheap paint set as a stocking stuffer for a Christmas present. I put it away an forgot about it for a month. Then one day I picked it up and started to paint. A few days later I painted something and I thought to myself "I wish I could post this on my blog," I then found a way that allowed me to do this. Why hadn't I found these before when I looked? Right about the same time an author was looking for an illustrator. Ok, maybe she would have found the picture if I had done this on a different day, but I like to think it was meant to be. One thing led to another and I posted on that day that she needed an artist. Boom! That's cosmic timing.
Then suddenly I was an artist and seeing that there was a real possibility that I could do this for a living. Then I started getting all kinds of signs pushing me toward art. I started inquiring about things I would need as an artist, and found that I should use a certain kind of software. I priced it and almost fell on the floor, then out of the blue I was offered this software. Someone was upgrading and didn't need it anymore. Other small things happened as well. I was lead to certain websites, stores, people, etc.
Then I started fighting that as well. "But, I want to be a writer."
This leads me to a final bit of synchronicity. My artwork, lead me to a discussion, that lead me to my journal. I opened my journal and starting writing this. Re-reading the journal made me start seeing things more clearly and also made me realize that my art isn't stopping me from writing, but allowing me to do another creative thing. My writing actually lead me back to my art and I am discovering that maybe this is what I was being led to all along.
I have probably confused many of you at this point, but I am seeing things more clearly than I have in a long time. Swimming upstream is hard, I need to go with the flow and it will all work out. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/24/2004 10:24:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 23, 2004 |
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"When you know who you are;
when your mission is clear and you
burn with the inner fire of unbreakable will;
no cold can touch your heart;
no deluge can dampen your purpose.
You know that you are alive.”
~Chief Seattle
When I went back to the old job last week I left feeling bad, and I had no idea why. When I worked there I was miserable. I was overworked and underpaid (and typically my boss didn't see it that way) and I could dedicate this entire post to reasons I left there. I am glad I left, and there is no doubt in my mind that the decision I made to leave and do what I doing now was the right one.
Then why did I leave there feeling bad? It actually looked worse than when I was there. Every inch of wall space was covered with paper work, it was a chaotic mess, the phones were ringing, as usual half the staff was off sick, and there seemed to be either the same amount of people or less and at least twice the amount of work.
I have thought about this all week and it came to me this morning why I felt so bad. They went on without me. The work is still getting done without me. The place didn't fall apart because I left, and I was never called, not once, for them to ask me for help. For that matter, I wasn't asked to stay or come back.
To be fair though, I was adamant in my decision and I was told to call during the busiest season if I wanted work. I didn't. I did not and do not want to work there. There are logical reasons why I wasn't called, but still, it would have been nice.
I guess I felt unimportant. I know that isn't true and I know they had to do what they had to do to continue being the successful business they are. They were successful before I was there, and yes I was a contributor to that success while I was there, but they weren't going under because I left. That is a fact of life.
Seeing that all the same people were still there also hurt. These were the same people that told me on a daily basis how awful the place was and how much they wanted to quit. Some of these people were so negative about the place that they were the ones that convinced me that I had to get out of there. But, they are still there. This made me feel like I was the one that was wrong. No one has to tell me that this is because they are still afraid and not ready for what they deserve. I do know this, but when I left there I was not in a good place.
Another reason for my being upset when I left there was that I knew for certain that I was not going back to that kind of work. That made me feel more pressure to succeed at writing and art. I had the feeling that I had to do this and do it fast or I would have to go back there again (or somewhere very similar--we all know there are places like this everywhere). It didn't help that the only job offer I had in weeks was another old office job. It looked to me that even the universe was telling me to go back to the day job.
Well, I'm not going to give in. I am going to make this work and I am not going to feel pressured to get it done NOW. That only delays things. I am going to continue what I am doing and I am going to continue to move forward. I will keep learning and practicing and sending and trying. Eventually (and I know I have said this before, but I need to say it again for me) it will pay off. I will keep going and doing what I have to do until it does. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/23/2004 08:06:00 AM |
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| Monday, March 22, 2004 |
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When I started this blog, I wasn't sure what it would be about. Truthfully, I am still not sure. I guess if you read it, you know that.
I talk about writing, my life, and my children. I whine when things are bad, and I celebrate when they are good. I say what I feel at the moment. That is me.
I haven't gone back and re-read everything I've written, but I know I have come a long way. I have changed, but not so dramatically that I'm not still me. I like that. I kind of always like me most of the time anyway. I think I am a nice person.
Sometimes I am told I am too nice for my own good and that I let people walk all over me because of this. I agree at times, but I am getting better about not putting myself in situations where I will be taken advantage of. However, I feel I need to say that at times when people feel others are taking advantage of my "niceness" I don't always feel that way. It gives me great pleasure to be nice to someone. I like that I am responsible for someone smiling, and I do go out of my way to make that happen. If that's wrong then I don't need to be right in this situation.
Another thing that I am told is that I am too naive and trusting. This is also something that I don't want to change. I am not an idiot, and I know that there are bad people out there who take advantage of people like me. But, I like to see the good. I like to believe that deep down people are honest and want to do the right thing. I like giving them the benefit of the doubt. I look at it this way: I will trust them until they prove otherwise. Hey, like I said, I'm not an idiot, if someone does misuse my trust they will lose it. Being this way really isn't that bad, I've been burned a few times, but I have gotten much more out of being this way.
Sure, I would have been fired from the Apprentice long ago. But, honestly that's not my cup of tea anyway! Two years ago I actually wanted a position like that. I really thought being the BOSS was for me. Two years ago I also wanted to be a writer, artist, photographer or something else creative and absolutely thought it wasn't possible. Those might be things I could do as a hobby. My have things changed. It amazes me how much you can do when you give yourself a chance to do it.
I think it is smart to routinely stop and take a personal inventory, because as we are doing things we don't realize how much we are accomplishing. Stop and think about how much you have done. I think you will be surprised at the results. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/22/2004 09:31:00 AM |
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| Friday, March 19, 2004 |
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I believe in ghosts. I have never seen one, but I believe that they are there. I know there are many non-believers out there, I live with one. He laughs at me all the time. I don't care. I love ghosts stories and I love to read and watch TV programs about ghosts. I want to write a book about local ghosts stories, but I haven't figured out how to find these stories yet. But, I'm sure I will.
I thought I captured a ghost with my camera the other day. I was so excited (you have no idea). I was walking in a favorite place of mine, a very old cemetery near my house, and I took some pictures. When I came home to look at them, there were these orbs in the picture, and not in all of the pictures. Only the ones I took in the cemetery.
 
I went to a ghost buster website and compared the pictures and I thought I had a match. I was going to send them in for evaluation. Oh, the thought of a real ghost buster coming to my town to find ghosts sent shivers up my spine. Then, I glanced over and saw a list of fakes or explainable ghost pictures. Being the open minded person that I am, I thought I needed to give both sides a chance. Knowing full well my pictures were real...
Well, it seems I will have to go back to ghostbuster college, because I did everything wrong. First, I used a digital camera. Big no-no when ghost busting, you should always have film for back up so the negatives can be examined. I also used the flash, and disregarded the weather conditions. Apparently, digital cameras are notorious for making ghosts appear, especially if you use the flash in the snow--something silly about the flash illuminating the moisture particles in the air and digital flaws.
I guess that would explain why there were no orbs in the pictures I took without the flash. I liked my theory better: the ghosts went home!
Submitted to Blogging for Books, October 2006. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/19/2004 10:48:00 AM |
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| Thursday, March 18, 2004 |
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"Find a quiet place and listen. It should be very quiet. The only sound you should hear is your heart beating. Listen. Peer deep down inside your heart. Do you see someone that holds a special place in your heart? Maybe they have always been there when you needed them; maybe they offered words of encouragement; taught you a lesson; comforted you when you were sick; praised you on your accomplishments. Make this their lucky day.You have the POWER to spread happiness today. A quick note or a kind word is all it takes to bring a smile and lasting memory to someone very special.”~Gary Harrington
I swear I was the one who said this. I think this guy has been reading my blog.
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| posted by Kelly @ 3/18/2004 10:42:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 17, 2004 |
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Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Yes, I'm Irish and my grandfather's a leprechaun--well he'd like to be for Notre Dame anyway.
I don't know if you are familiar with the "Dime Story" or Dear Abby's "Pennies from Heaven" stories, but I love them. The "Dime Story" is about a little boy who had a game going with his mother. At times she would give him a dollar for his bank and he would give her a dime back. I can't remember all the details but they would say something to each other and it went on for a while. The little boy was sick and died and when his mother was cleaning out his room, she found the dimes and something else.
The rest of the story goes on to talk about other people finding dimes in odd places and always being reminded of a deceased love one. Dear Abby's "Pennies from Heaven" is much the same. There are stories from people who lost someone and the pennies show up in the oddest places. One involved a fire fighter in the World Trade Center Tragedy. His mother wanted a sign that he was OK and when they found him there was some sort of religious medal and I think and a penny in his pocket with his year of birth or hers. I don't remember, but the mother was comforted by this. Anything that is a comfort is OK in my book.
I love these stories and have had many of my own penny and dime sittings. My first thought is that they are from my Grandmother who has been gone for almost 14 years.
Another part to this story is the purple afghan that my grandma made me as a wedding present. I display it on the back of my couch and I use it often. That's what Grandma would have wanted. The day my Grandma died, I wrapped myself in the afghan and thought if I ever needed a hug all I had to do was put it around me and I would get one from Gram. She touched every thread of it when she made it, so her presence is definitely there.
This morning when I got up, I thought, "Boy, Gramma, I could use a hug." So, I picked up the afghan and underneath it was a dime. She was definitely here. I laughed out loud and said, "Well, Gramma, I would wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day, but I know you are not Irish." (Every time I said it to her when she was alive, she would say "I'm not Irish," and I would say, "But Grandpa is and so am I.")
OK, now I know this will sound wired--but hasn't all of this so far. Later after thinking about Gram for a while, I went back to the couch where I found the dime and there was a shiny new 2004 penny in the same spot. In my penny sittings, I always find the year significant, I always think of someone who died or was born that year. Well, my brother and his wife just had a baby, so I think my Gram was trying to tell me to wish them well.
Weird or not, true or not, I don't care. Anything that makes me think of my Gram and feel that she is watching over me is a very good think. So Gram, wherever you are I know you are smiling, and I know what you are going to say, "But Happy St. Patrick's Day anyway!" |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/17/2004 08:09:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 16, 2004 |
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I'm bothered today. I say I'm bothered because I can't think of a better word. I'm a bit annoyed, upset, frustrated, confused, puzzled, but not enough to say I am one of these things. So, "I'm bothered" sums it up as good as I can.
Why?
I'm feeling stuck again. Nothing new is coming. I am still not hearing anything and don't have enough confidence to write back and ask why.
Please send me some confidence.
I have to write a bio and I am having a very hard time with it. It is making me feel like a nobody, nothing. "Kelly lives in a small town in the middle of no where with her husband and three wonderful children and her dog. She writes and paints and fixes her house. She is a big dreamer and hopes to be published in a lot of places someday, but so far she hasn't gotten the responses she hoped for. She spends all of her waking moments trying to be a writer and artist and squeezes in time to be a wife, mother, cook, maid, chauffeur, general contractor and interior decorator. So far the producers of Trading Spaces haven't asked for her advice, although she thinks she can do a better job with less money than some of the professionals they have now.
Kelly has taken some college classes, but not enough to get a degree. Her mixed crayon personality gave her a diverse class schedule though. (Hey maybe I can almost be a photographer who can write the questions I will ask the patients in the psychologists practice I can't have because I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do. But, hey I can draw a mean cartoon that expresses their feelings.)
She tried waitressing for almost twenty years, but that was just to practice her autograph and fake smile for when she becomes famous. She learned it had all been a waste when she sat for her head shots, the fake smile made her look ridiculous. Now at least she knows why the tips weren't always so great.
Kelly could go on and on and on about herself, but it would sound as stupid as the rest of this, so she will stop.
Please send me some ideas on how to write a perfect bio.
I was offered a job yesterday. It is not the job I want. I didn't apply for it. One of my old bosses called and offered me my old job back. I should be flattered, but all I can think of is how much I don't want to do it. I asked for signs from the universe and this is the offer I got. Is the universe telling me to pack up my pencil, paper and paints and get back to the office. That is not the message I want.
Please send me the work I want.
I stopped by another old job. This was the dumbest thing I could have done. I was out walking and dropped a bill of in the building where I used to work and thought it would be fun to go see my old work buddies. BIG, BIG, BIG mistake. As soon as I left there I felt bad. It didn't matter that they were all nice to me and happy to see me. I left there feeling awful, and I don't know why. By being there I knew without a doubt that I had made the right decision about leaving that world, and I left vowing I would never go back there. Then I started thinking, what if I have to if I don't start earning more from doing this. It snowballed from there.
Please send me my positive mood back.
I'm upset for my son. He is a terrific kid who beats to his own drum. He's also one of those kids who is stuck in the middle (a lot like me). He is not a superstar at the things he wants to be a superstar at. He is a superstar at being himself, but when you are 17 that's not enough. He tries so hard, and he never quite makes it to the other side. He's on the volleyball team and he has been busting his butt to make varsity, and last night he found out that he's number 9 and number 8 is the cut off. He also found out that one of the reasons he was dropped down was because he had to work on Sunday and didn't make practice. He has to work to keep his car and doesn't have a problem with this. He has a problem with the consequences of it, and I don't blame him. I could have cried when he said, "Mom, life isn't fair." What do I say to that when I feel the same way at times.
Please send me the answers. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/16/2004 08:34:00 AM |
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| I meant to put this link up days ago. I keep checking back, but I forgot to share. This is the book cover. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/15/2004 02:35:00 PM |
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"Mom, I never knew you could have so much fun going to Boscovs."
On Saturday afternoon, I proved to 3 teenage girls that you could have a blast at a department store without spending a penny. Or maybe they proved it to me. Who knows, who cares. The point is we laughed so hard trying on wigs, that I almost had to give these three teenagers their first lesson in Depends.
The wigs got funnier the longer we tried them on. My favorites were the curly red one and the black one that made my daughter look like Elvis was in the building. Saying that made her drop to the floor right there in the store and her friend scream, "Stop, stop! I'm gonna pee my pants."
Of course we kept going, wet pants would have made us laugh harder.
There were definitely some lessons learned. My daughter Michelle should never, ever dye her hair red, cut it short and get a perm. We couldn't figure out if she looked more like a cross dressing Ronald McDonald or a bad Annie impersonater. I guess this goes for Kelci too, since they are twins. My eyes weren't functioning at that moment because I was crying so hard with laughter. Some people look great in wigs. OK, we were all a bit jealous of that one, Paige. And I am going to be one hot momma at sixty, or whatever age I decide to toss the Clairol for good. The grey wig looked the best on me. Sad, but true.
Some other lessons learned: Every once in awhile my daughters want to hang around me, and sometimes they even like that I'm weird. Life's too short to be serious, have some fun. (I already knew that, but I thought I'd share.) You are allowed to try on wigs in a department store. Yep, nobody cared. I need to bring my camera everywhere. I knew that too, but I always seem to forget it when I need it the most, so I drew it instead.
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| posted by Kelly @ 3/15/2004 08:36:00 AM |
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| Friday, March 12, 2004 |
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I hold on to things, "just in case." 9 times out of 10 that time doesn't come and I'm stuck with a lot of junk that I thought I would use but didn't, and probably never will.
I love when I am in the mood to toss things. It amazes how things lose their sentimental value when I'm in this mode. "What was I thinking," describes the feeling about these things as they are tossed in the box for Goodwill.
I think this has to do with change. At the time I held on to something I had one way of thinking, and now that I have changed the way I think about certain things, so the way I see other things (even objects) is different. When small changes occur in one part of your life, they trickle into other areas with ease.
Change is scary. It is so much easier to hold on to what we know, but when we accept certain changes that are needed to move forward it is incredible how fast things happen. You must be willing to part with the old in order to get the new. You have to get rid of things to make room for new things. This is true for objects or attitude.
I have been tossing things left and right, nothing is safe in my house or my life. If it isn't working for me it is getting the boot. Looking back I see I have been doing this for several months. It is a good feeling. I have this feeling that I am opening myself up to receive many wonderful things because I have made the space for them. I've already gotten a new job, several new friends, a new dining room, and I'm in the process of getting a new living room. I definitely have a new attitude. I love the changes, and I am excited to see how all these other spaces will be filled. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/12/2004 07:58:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 10, 2004 |
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First things first. A shameless plug:
I have two articles published at MomsVoice.com. "How to Get Them Out the Door Without Losing Your Mind!"(Dealing with the morning rush hour--before you leave the house) and "Insurance Savings for Teen Drivers" (tips on saving on insurance with a teen driver in the house).
PS MomsVoice is looking for submissions.
It snowed here again. Not much, but I am sick of snow. I am ready for spring. Bring on the warm weather! I am not a cold weather girl and someday I will live where it is always warm. I'd prefer an island somewhere if someone out there is taking orders.
I see it now: Me on the beach, laying in a hammock, book in one hand and a cold drink in the other. Wasting away in Margaritaville. Ah, how nice!
There are things I would miss about this place though. I do like the change of seasons. I actually like 3 seasons of the year, it is the winter I could do without. Maybe I will be a "snowbird" as my cousin in Florida calls the part time residents. I always want to remind her that for most of her life she was one of us and that she has only been there for a few years. But, I guess the FL driver's license and address make her one of them.
I like getting excited when the geese come back north. Their fly over and honking remind me that spring really is coming back. The snow on the ground means nothing. The weather man might lie, but the geese don't. There V in the sky stands for Victory in my book. We survived the winter. It beat us fiercely, but we made it out alive.
I love all the little signs of spring; flowers poking through the ground, spotting the first robin of the season, buds on the trees, more squirrels out playing, basketball hoops being used after sitting silent all winter. I would miss that. This also makes me realize another good thing about winter: one less season of weeding!
One of my favorite days of the year is my own made up holiday, "Pool Opening Day." I look forward to this day so much. It means either summer is here, or awful darn close. I love uncovering the pool and seeing the water. Reclaiming my deck from the big black blob that shows up every fall. If I lived where it was always warm, I wouldn't have this day. My pool would always be open. I might have to close it just so I could continue to celebrate my self proclaimed holiday.
I would also miss snow days. It gives me great pleasure to see the reaction from my kids when I say, "Go back to sleep, School's closed!" I also like to see them glued to the TV waiting for the D's and the screams when Dallas appears.
Not seeing the changing colors in the fall would definitely be hard. I never get sick of how beautiful nature paints the trees. Every year is different. Some years it is a gradual change, a few colored trees among the green. Other years it seems all at once the mountains change color. I think I would miss this the most.
Give me Spring, Summer and Fall. I'll be in the hammock all winter.
I'll leave you with an image for the day:
Do you think this is what they meant by Smirnoff on Ice?
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| posted by Kelly @ 3/10/2004 08:30:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 09, 2004 |
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I have been reading the Artist Way by Julia Cameron for the past month. I think it is a terrific book and I have learned a lot about myself by committing to the tasks and exercises in the book. However, right now I am at the stage of the book that requires reading deprivation and I am in serious withdrawal.
I haven't been reading other people's blogs this week because the book suggests clearing your mind by not reading the work of others. I knew I liked reading these blogs, but didn't realize how much! I think I'm an addict! LOL!
I do think it is a good idea to stop reading other people's stuff for a bit because as much as I try not to, I do compare. It is hard not to, and I I know this is a big no-no. So, I will find other things to do and I will not read. To all the sites I frequent daily: Expect a huge jump in your numbers next week as I catch up!
Art will be my focus this week anyway. And that is fine with me. Since I have decided that I am indeed an artist, doors have been swinging open. Art it seems comes easy for me and I learned if you don't resist the easy things, good will come of it. I'm still trying to figure out why I never imagined that I could be an artist. Looking back, I see I always wanted to be an artist but never considered that I could be one. It is funny how things work out.
Another revelation I had this week (and as usually it won't be a shock to everyone else, just me): Writing comes in many, many forms. It is more than magazine articles, more than books, it doesn't always have to be long and earth shattering. Cartoonist are writer's and so are the people who write greetings for cards. Silly me, here I thought I had to write novels to be considered a writer. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/09/2004 09:44:00 AM |
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| Monday, March 08, 2004 |
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Pinch Me, I want to make sure I'm not dreaming.
I knew that I was going to get a contract to illustrate a book. The pictures are already done, so it isn't a big surprise. But I have to say, getting the actual document, with my name on it with the words "known as Illustrator" under my name is a big deal to me.
Damn, this is real. I am going to have pictures I drew published in a book. I am supposed to be a writer and I should be able to tell you what this feels like, but I can't put it into words. I'm even getting a picture and a bio in the book and my name on the cover. I will be able to pick up an actual book and it will say illustrated by Kelly Gibbons.
Life is good and anything is possible. Last year at this time all of this was only a wish or a thought but once I put real intention behind it and made a real effort it became a reality. I know I am not the first person to say this. I have read it in several books and web sites (seems creative people have to learn the same things-go figure!): Having a dream isn't enough. You also have to put in effort. Sometimes a lot of effort and sometimes not much at all. But simply saying "I want this to happen" and then doing absolutely nothing about it, isn't going to make it happen. Dreams do come true, but you have to help them along a little bit! |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/08/2004 09:53:00 AM |
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| Friday, March 05, 2004 |
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My goal this week was to live in the present. To not beat my self up for what I did or didn't do and to not worry about how things are going to turn out. I decided to enjoy right now.
I am happy to say that so far it has been successful.
I have time so I'm enjoying it. I took long walks. I took naps. I went out for ice cream, real ice cream, not non-fat, sugar free frozen yogurt but real loaded with fat sugar and everything else ice cream. I read when I wanted to and I worked when I wanted to. I also accomplished a lot this week.
I learned more about photoshop. I researched some new art ventures, and I am about to send art work to a card company. I discovered this company while I was out having fun.
So while other people might think I was slacking off this week, I am happy to report that I feel I was extremely productive.
It has been a good week and it is Friday and I'm not in melt down. Yipee! |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/05/2004 09:30:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 03, 2004 |
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I'm a Swinger.
Did I get your attention? Well I'm not that kind of swinger! Yesterday I found a park in the woods and I very much enjoyed swinging on the swing.
I have only been a writer for 6 months. That is an important statement to make. And I think the most important word there is ONLY. I forget that at times and I beat myself up for not knowing everything.
Since I knew nothing about the business of writing when I started, I have to say that I have learned a tremendous amount about it in the past six months. When I started, the only thing I knew was that I loved to write and I wanted to earn a living doing it.
I get down on myself for not being "more." I don't know why I expected to know everything by now, but I do, or did. Over the past few days I have been looking at the trials and tribulations of other beginner writers and I see that I am in right about where I sold be at this point. Seems I'm not so different then I thought I was.
I'm not so sure when I put this heavy demand on myself that I had to succeed fast or I wouldn't be considered a success. To me, not earning tons of money at this or getting tons of offers meant that I was just another struggling writer. I pretend that I don't but I still have the mind frame that success=money. I am the one who has put a time limit on this. I am the one who thinks that I need to be perfect and see results right away or it is an indication that I am a failure. I am also the one who can stop this.
This thinking has made me not want to write. The only thing I have written in weeks has been in journals. I have thought about writing. I have stressed about writing. I have tried writing. Now I am going to start writing again. I am going to go back to where I started and write about things I want to write about, and not about what I think will sell. In the beginning this is what I did and guess what, it sold.
I am also going to be the kind of writer I want to be. I have stopped myself from doing this because other people have said that is what they want to do and I have been afraid to say it out loud because I don't want people to thing I am a copycat. Yeah, how stupid is that! Remember, I never said I was a grown-up!
So what kind of writer do I want to be. I want to be a travel writer. I want to write and illustrate children's books and I want to write young adult novels. I have this fantasy of myself as the next Judy Blume. This is the kind of writing I have always wanted to do and this is what I am going to do because not doing this is making me miserable.
I also want to say, that if I decide I want to write other things I will. I will write what makes me happy. Today that might be a ghost story and tomorrow a travel piece. There is a place out there for all of it and eventually I will find it. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/03/2004 08:07:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 02, 2004 |
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The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~Buddha The "Enlightened One"
Live in the present. This is such a hard thing to do. I spend too much of my time worrying about what I did or didn't do and what I'm going to do next. It has a way of interfering with my present happiness.
I know it is the way I should live, but doing it is more difficult that you think.
I can go out for a walk and take my time and look at the most amazing things. I can be in the present, but as soon as I walk back in the door I'm hit with the Past and the Future are waiting for me. There two favorite things to do are argue with each other and fight with me.
The past says, "Why were you out there wasting time? You should have been writing, reading, or trying to find places to submit your work."
And the future adds, "No you should have been thinking about the bills that are coming and your career and the emails that might come and planning for tomorrow. I need you to be constantly thinking ahead. While you were out looking for flowers you could have been planning your life. What are you going to do next? Now get busy."
Trying to defend myself, I say, "But I was having fun. I was enjoying myself. I wasn't thinking about what I should be doing or what I need to be doing. I was trying to relax and take care of myself."
To this future replies, "You can take care of yourself later, when you have money to take care of yourself. You need to be worrying about how you are going to take care of me."
Then Past spoke up, "No you need to worry about what you didn't do with me. While you were out walking I was wasting away."
The Past and the Future both want my attention all the time. They don't want me to enjoy the moment. They are constantly fighting who needs me more. They are like children that don't understand I love them both equally, but differently.
I love the Past for all that it has given me. It has given me such magical memories. I wish the Past could understand that I remember everything and hold it in my heart, but I don't need to dwell on the bad things. Past has made me who I am. I wish he could see that and let me enjoy myself now.
I love the Future for all that it has to offer. It is my dream come true. It is who I will become. I will be that person no matter what. I don't have to worry about how or when I will become that person. It will happen no matter what I do. I wish Future would let me happen instead of making me plan and worry what will happen. I wish Future could understand that being happy now will make me happy then.
I wish both of them could understand that I need them both so much. That they are what makes my present so wonderful. I wish they would stop fighting with me and with each other and just let me be me. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/02/2004 08:33:00 AM |
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| Monday, March 01, 2004 |
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This weekend something hit me. I have great kids in spite of me. What I mean by that is I find it remarkable that I have such great kids even though I have no idea what I'm doing. I have been winging it for seventeen years and it is turning out fine.
I have to be honest here, I didn't read baby books. They bored and confused me. The only one I was even remotely interested in was a baby name book, and I didn't even use the advice given there. My children's names came from different sources.
My husband chose Brian. When he was twelve, his best friend was run over by a truck and died. He swore if he ever had a son he would name him after his friend. How do you argue with that?
Kelci was chosen because I saw it on a mural on the wall of the maternity wing. As soon as I saw it I knew this was my first daughter's name. My little star.
Now, I feeling very bad about this one. I don't have a cute or heart warming story for Michelle's name. She was almost the nameless child. My husband and I couldn't agree on anything. Finally one night he said "What about Michelle?" and I didn't hate it so it stuck.
Before I get any lectures about Michelle's self esteem. STOP! She's OK with this and I have thought about making up a story about her name. "Oh, I love France and I wanted to name you something that reminded me of it..," But why lie. Her story is funny in its own way. The name is perfect for her anyway--I always picture someone very feminine, very beautiful when I hear that name.
OK enough of the name game, back to my original thought. Maybe the best things happen when you just let them happen. From the beginning I just did what I thought was right. When they were babies and they cried I figured out why and fixed the problem. As they got older I taught them what I thought was right. I taught them to be good and honest and fair. I taught them to share, work hard, and follow their heart. I told them to be respectful of everyone and to treat others how they would want to be treated.
I have made mistakes. I say I'm sorry and we move on. I'm have not been perfect and neither have they, and in spite of this we are doing great. I am not saying that my parenting ways are the best. They work for me and my family and that's what matters.
I have found my greatest successes have happened by accident, usually when I do something for fun. When I think about things and read all the rules and do things a certain way because I'm supposed to, I find that I am so busy trying to do it right that it comes out very wrong.
This week my goal is to let things happen, do things for fun and just see what happens. Wish me luck. |
| posted by Kelly @ 3/01/2004 08:19:00 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: Kelly Gibbons
Home: Dallas, Pennsylvania, United States
About Me:
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| Not Quite Grown-up: The Random Ramblings of Kelly Gibbons the Dreamer, Writer and Artist |
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