| Friday, April 30, 2004 |
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I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable ... But through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie
We all have bad days. Sometimes it is a bad week, month, or longer. I know, I have had my share, yet somehow through it all I have remained optimistic. I'm not so sure why. I wish I knew the secret.
I guess I can always see some bright spot in things or always realize that as bad as it is for me there is always someone who has it a whole lot worse. I don't mean that to sound like I'm glad someone is in a worse spot than me. I'm not. It is my way of dealing with the situation. Come on Kel, this isn't as bad as it seems. I always try to find things that I can be grateful for even if there doesn't seem to be any.
I'm lucky, on my absolute worst days, I don't have to look to far to see how much I really do have to be grateful for. Every once in awhile it is good to sit back and remember them.
I have a wonderful family, good friends, a nice house, and the best dog. I am healthy. I have had the most amazing opportunity to quit a job I hated to pursue a dream--some people never get that chance. I have clothes to wear and food to eat. My bills are paid. I have a car to drive. I illustrated a book. I can walk, I can sing (horribly), I can dance (pretty bad), I can talk, and I can laugh. I can write and I can draw. And those are just the first things I can thing of.
Another thing that keeps me positive is hope. No matter how rotten things seem, for some reason I can always find that little glimmer of hope that things will get better. It is always there just under the surface bursting to get out like the first buds in spring.
So, I have had two really crummy weeks. They have been full of ups and downs, and doubts and fears, anger and tears, but I refuse to give up. I know that all of this means that good things are right around the corner. So as I look for the light at the end of the tunnel with my security blanket of hope in my hand as bad as all this seems, I am going to remain optimistic. It hasn't failed me yet. |
posted by Kelly @ 4/30/2004 09:09:00 AM   |
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| Wednesday, April 28, 2004 |
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Whoever you are, there is some younger person who thinks you are perfect. There is some work that will never be done if you don't do it. There is someone who would miss you if you were gone. There is a place that you alone can fill. ~Jacob M. Braude
There is nothing perfect about this tree, yet I found it beautiful. That's how it is for many things. I am finding that trying to be perfect is a real time waster and I miss doing many things because I wait to do them until I can do them PERFECT. I have stopped myself from writing stories because they aren't perfect. I have deleted entire post for the same reason. A funny thing about that is I have left some of these posts (just so I would have something to post) and other people actually liked them. Perfect to me might not mean the same to you.
What is perfect anyway?
To me a perfect day would be sitting on a beach where it is 90 degrees, watching the waves, reading a book, sipping a drink and jumping in the ocean when it gets too hot. This might be pure torture to someone else, just as their idea of perfect might be torture to me. For example, shopping is horrible in my opinion, but it tops the list of favorite things for many people.
Trying to be perfect can get in the way of success. It sets up unrealistic goals. I can't submit this article until its perfect. Perfect to who? An article can be sent to 10 editors, 9 can hate it, but 1 can love it (this will be "perfect" for the next issue) and it can be published. I can't post this cartoon until its perfect. Again perfect to who? I can look at a piece of art and think it is terrific and the guy standing next to me might think it is absolute garbage. Perfect seems like more of an opinion to me than anything else.
I think it is time for me to stop worrying about being perfect and start worrying about having fun. It is time to enjoy the journey and stop worrying about the end results. Think about the funniest and best times of your life, many of mine had perfect endings but the beginning and middle were full of imperfections. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/28/2004 07:47:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, April 27, 2004 |
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I have been so busy that I haven't made time to post. I wish I could say I was busy writing or painting and so busy with assignments, stories or projects that blogging is the last thing I think of. That's not the case.
I am working on one art project and I do have that class, but I seem to find every excuse in the world not to write or paint. Yesterday my excuse was ripping up the carpet.
Yes, we are re-doing the living room, and yes, at some point I'm sure it needed to be done, but now I have created more work for myself and in the process something else to keep me away from creating. In my defense, I have become great at creating messes!
Ripping up the carpet sounded like a great idea because there are hardwood floors under it. Now that I've ripped it up I remember why we got carpet in the first place. The hardwood floors are probably sixty years old. They are thin pine floors and the years of neglect have turned the stain I a golden orange color and they are marred with stains, nicks and chips. At some point I'm sure either us or the previous owners decided that it didn't matter what was done to them because the assumption was they would remain covered. It looks like we told the carpet guys this too because there is a cut line that runs the entire width of the living room. I definitely have my work cut out for me.
I did purchase an area rug before I ripped up the carpet and thought that would be sufficient to cover the bad spots. It doesn't even come close because the bad spots are so spread apart. I need a much larger one and that means a much larger price tag. I repeat again: there was a reason we bought wall to wall carpet.
My only solutions at the moment are to refinish the floor or convince one of the million or so home improvement shows to come on over and give my floors a makeover. (I would offer to let them do the whole room, but I already painted and my husband built a beautiful widow seat and bookcases so it's only the floor that needs to be done. If that's a problem, they can pick many other full rooms to re-do and throw in the living room floors as a bonus). You would think with the amount of these shows they would be canvassing neighborhoods looking for situations like mine.
Since my chances of this happening rank right up there with winning the lottery and being struck by lightening it looks like the only paper I'll be using for a few days (wishful thinking there of course)* is sand paper.
*if there were a scale for home improvement projects one hour=one week at least in my house! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/27/2004 06:56:00 AM |
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| Friday, April 23, 2004 |
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I am going to try something and at first I wasn't sure if I should post it here or not. It has nothing to do with writing or creativity or art. It is a goal that I am setting for myself and I am going to try my hardest to accomplish it.
The reason I wasn't sure about posting it here is that I don't want to set my self up and then feel bad if I fail. Then I thought it might be a good idea to post here as an incentive not to fail. Kind of making myself accountable by putting it out there.
I want to be able to run 3 miles (with out stopping or walking in between) and I am starting a 10 week training program next week. I have never been a runner and I always say I can't run. I want to prove that I can.
I actually started working on this a week ago and during my walks I would run for a bit then walk and then run some more and walk again when I need to. The last time I did this I ran a total of 1.2 miles out of 3. I decided this was something I wanted to accomplish, and I thought maybe I should look into training for running a little more.
Runner's World provided some great info and even showed me that I was on the right track. I was doing some things right. When starting out running, you should do the part walk part run and you should establish a walking routine first so your legs start getting prepared for running. The thing I was doing wrong was counting miles. In the beginning I should be more concerned with time instead of distance.
Since I have already established the base by walking an average of 5 days a week for about 3 miles each time, I can start week one of the running program on Monday. So, there it is. The goal is set. In ten weeks I hope to run for 30 minutes straight. If I can do that I can run 3 miles. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/23/2004 09:12:00 AM |
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Yesterday was not a good day. I went back to that bad place where I wanted to quit being a writer and an artist. I think I'm almost back from the dark side. I hate that it is so easy to go there when things get tough.
I still don't think I have ever fully gotten over the mind set of "What was I thinking? Who the hell do I think I am!"
It is easy to think you are an artist and a writer when you have work, but much harder when all you are doing is working and not seeing any results. Results meaning no one hires you. Yes, I create something (a story or a piece of art) and yes, I am happy with it, and yes I know that is something to be proud of, but when no one else sees its value I really begin to wonder.
When I first started writing and drawing, I never thought about how I was going to make a living doing this. I did it because I wanted to and it was fun. Worrying about the business part of this takes the fun out of it.
This reminds me of when I was a kid and had a pony. I loved to ride the pony. I was very content to sit on that pony and ride it on trails. I was never a very good rider (I didn't sit up straight or hold the reins right) but I didn't care. When you trail ride none of that matters. I could sit on the horse and not fall off and it was fun. That's when I loved to ride.
Then we started showing horses. I stopped loving to ride then. I remember that my brother and sister got to ride in the fun classes, the gaming classes. They got to do the can race (where barrels are set up with cans on top of them and you race around on the pony as fast as you can and knock the cans off), the boot race (where everyone takes their boots off and they are put in a pile at one end of the ring and everyone races down on the pony, jumps off and tries to find their boots. Then you put them on and re-mount and race back to the finish line), and all the other fun classes. I got to do Western Pleasure. That wasn't fun.
This is a class where you have to sit up straight, hold the reins right, and walk, trot, and canter the horse around the ring. You have to change leads when the judge says to. I remember sitting on my pony and every time I went around the ring the people with me would scream, "Sit up straight, your not holding the reins right," Do this, do that, your not doing it right.
I didn't win. I also waked out of that ring and said, "I will never, ever do that again. It wasn't fun." I rarely even rode a horse after that. The fun was gone.
Maybe it is the same thing with writing and art. I am so worried about selling it and doing it right and following all the rules that it just isn't fun any more. I really want to do things my way on my terms. Is that so wrong? |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/22/2004 06:54:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, April 21, 2004 |
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I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. First I was very busy and now I just don't have much too talk about so I've been quiet. Being quiet is very rare for me so I'm sure I will have something to talk about soon. I guess everyone goes through a bad spell or a dry spell and I am in mine now. I sure hope it doesn't turn in to a drought.
Quick, someone say or do something funny and I promise I'll turn it into a SunnyK cartoon. And plus I need a laugh! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/21/2004 06:49:00 PM |
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| Monday, April 19, 2004 |
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I Love Mondays!
Not very long ago I dreaded Monday mornings. If this were September 2003 I would be sitting in my cubicle returning countless phone and email messages wishing I was anywhere but there.
This morning I woke up feeling very uninspired and a bit down, but instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided to do something about it. I am currently reading Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way (I highly recommend it BTW) and filling the well by going out and having fun is strongly encouraged. This morning I decided my well needed filling so I went out and had some fun.
All too often we forget about all the wonderful things we have right in front of us. I "forgot" that I live less then than five miles from a State Park full of the most marvelous hiking trails. So with sketch pad in hand I went set out to have fun.
I sketched. I hiked. I laid on a park bench and let the sun warm my face. Yes, it was already around 70 degrees at nine this morning. I also just sat and listened.
I heard the wind in the trees--sometimes just a gentle swish and other times a long steady whoosh. I heard several different types of birds singing there marvelous tunes. There was gentle whistling, some tweet, tweet, tweets, the tap of a wood pecker and the loud CAW, CAW, CAW of what I thing was a crow. The crow seemed to want all the other birds to know that he was there. I also listened to the wind blow the water and push the gentle waves unto the shore. Nothing is a peaceful to me as the sound of water swishing onto a shore line. It doesn't matter to me if it is a lake or the ocean. That hum of waves can instantly calm me.
It was wonderful to sit there and do nothing but listen.
I took a forty minute hike in the woods and it was the best work out I had in a long time. It was also the most fun. Walking on paths in the woods that sometimes wind down around the shoreline of a beautiful lake does not seem much like exercise, but my heart rate was higher than it usually is after walking for 45 minutes.
As I hiked I also found something else, something wonderful, I found inspiration. I thought of stories to write and pictures to draw. I was filled with the urge to create. This felt good, especially about writing, because lately I have been having a hard time with writing. Ever since I discovered that I was an artist, I have pushed writing to the back burner and have been feeling bad about it. I want to do both writing and art and I will.
My two hours of fun were the best two hours I've spent in a long time. I learned more and gained more out there doing nothing than I have doing weeks of research. So, if you are feeling bad, lacking inspiration or searching for ideas I suggest going out and having fun. Everything needs some kind of fuel to move, and I have a feeling that creativity is fueled by fun. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/19/2004 10:31:00 AM |
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| Friday, April 16, 2004 |
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| System problems: apparently I have to change all my blogspot links. I can not go into them if I have www in front. Lovely. I don't know if this is a permanent thing or something that Blogger is working on, so the next few days I will do nothing. Hopefully it fixes it self and I don't have to make any changes. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/16/2004 07:52:00 AM |
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| Thursday, April 15, 2004 |
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I'm in trouble. Spring break threw me off a bit. It is hard to focus when you are being mom, chauffeur, referee, hotel concierge, fashion consultant, maid, contractor, secretary, operator, mediator, banker, Easter Bunny, while still trying to be a writer and artist.
And I thought making a few lunches in the morning was tough. Unless I give up some jobs, my summer is going to be much more hectic than I anticipated. I think I'll start by giving up the unpaid positions. Oh wait, that would be all of them.
Since I really like the writer and artist jobs, I think I'll keep them. I'll continue to cross the fingers and toes and keep hoping for pay on those. And I do love being a mom, and the title is very easy to spell, so I will keep that job too!
Let's see, should I give up the chauffeur's position? Maybe I'll just cut back on my clientele. Driving around two of my own (buying oldest son that car was a smart thing to do!) keeps me busy enough. I think I will have to tell passengers x, y and z that they will have to find a new limousine service. They didn't tip well anyway, so it won't be a huge loss. I know passengers a and b won't be happy about the loss of company but the limo (and driver) could use the time off.
While the referee position can get fun sometimes--Ok I'm lying here--I don't look good in the uniform and I can't stand the sound of the whistle.
I labeled it hotel concierge because that sounds so much better than the Roach Round-up Queen at the No-tell Motel--OK, so it is not that bad, but somewhere in between. I would call it the sleep hotel, but it is more like a Sleep and Eat Hotel. Will someone tell the guests that the food is not free. I have the receipts to prove it. While your at it can you let the guests know that the wake up policy is as follows: One wake up call per person per day. With all my other job responsibilities, I do not have time to go to each room every fifteen minutes and beg guests to get out of bed.
Little needs to be said about the maid's position. This one I would give up in a heart beat. I hate to clean. If I give it up though, the board of health has promised to come in and shut us down.
In my next life I am going to live in a world with no phones. Since I don't have a choice in this life, then I want one of those head sets to wear all day. Really, it would be much better than wandering around the house all day looking for the cordless phone. Follow the beep! I quit the cubicle because I hated being a secretary and operator and here I am doing the same thing for far less money.
I would love to be a fashion consultant under normal circumstances. But my fashion sense is, well, quite awful. I have no problem wearing purple plaid pajama bottoms and an equally tacky sweatshirt all day everyday. I cringe when I have to get dressed. This should be the first clue that my answer to "Does this look OK?" is going to be, "Yea that's fine." I have also learned that actually stating any other opinion is not an option. Have you ever actually told a teenage girl that the outfit she spent hours picking doesn't look good on her? I don't think anyone has and lived to tell about it.
The fashion consultant job is really a farce anyway. I am only asked for advice on clothing for one reason. It goes hand and hand with my banker job. As a fashion consultant, a typical consult goes like this:
Client (disguised as teen daughter): How does this outfit look?
Highly trained fashion consultant (disguised as PJ wearing mother): It looks good.
Client (no longer disguising herself): You're just saying that because you don't want to buy me any more clothes. I need spring clothes. I don't have anything to wear.
This is where I wish I was a musician so I could start playin' the violin! But I'm giving up jobs, not taking on more. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/15/2004 07:15:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, April 14, 2004 |
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UPDATE: Angela's search for her father has ended. Unfortunately she was too late. Her father passed away a year ago.
To Angela: I am so sorry that this was the way things ended.
My friend Angela is looking for her biological father. She has created a web page and is hoping that if someone knows him or of him they will contact her. Here's the link to that page:
Searching for William "Bill" Kniep
I have also posted a button to the left that will link to that page. She's hoping to get a lot of people to post the link to aid in the search.
If you can help, Thanks! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/14/2004 08:01:00 AM |
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| Monday, April 12, 2004 |
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Doing My Part
I have a deep-seated bias against hate and intolerance.
I have a bias against racial and religious bigotry.
I have a bias against war, a bias for peace.
I have a bias which leads me to believe that no problem of human relations is ever insoluble."~Dr. Ralph Bunche, Nobel Peace Prize Winner
While going through the huge amount of email I've been ignoring, I came across this post on a blog link:
Posted by Lori who took it from Dawn:
"A hate group has googlebombed the word "Jew" to link to their site. Basically that means a bunch of their hate-cronies have linked to their horrible nasty site (it lists the Anti-Defamation League, B'nai B'rith, Simon Wiesenthal Center and the ACLU as "Jewish hate groups") and so Google is listing it at the top of their searches when you type in the word "Jew." So Melanie and others and I ask you to link the word "Jew" to the Wikipedia definition. All you have to do is this: Jew . If enough of us do this, we can knock them off the top spot on Google.
And people still argue that anti-semitism no longer exists."
If I can do even the smallest thing to help rid the world of hate, I'll try.
4/15 UPDATE: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! I DID A GOOGLE SEARCH TODAY AND THE WIKIPEDIA LINK IS ON TOP! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/12/2004 07:54:00 AM |
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| Friday, April 09, 2004 |
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I'm not going to be on much until at least Monday. With Easter and school break, I think it is a perfect time to take a break. Have a wonderful holiday!
If you are looking for something fun to do, the marvelous Penelope has created the most wonderful surprise! Enjoy! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/09/2004 06:56:00 PM |
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| Thursday, April 08, 2004 |
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| It's pretty funny what type of adds show up at the top of free blogs. I mentioned squirrels a few days ago and got info about indoor squirrel control. The potty training comment 3 entries ago brought an add for adult diapers! Gotta love it! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/08/2004 12:44:00 PM |
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I took the girls and two of their friends window shopping. They were bored and looking for something to do and tagged along while I ran some errands. We had some extra time, and we were in a town that has a traditional old time main street so we decided to check out all the unique shops set up in the beautiful old buildings. It's a place where window shopping is normally welcomed, and the buildings are as interesting as the items in them. I don't get to walk through the town as often as I like, but whenever I get the chance I do.
For the most part we were very welcome, well, we were after the shop keepers realized I was a part of the group. The four teenagers with me are all taller than me and of course they always run ahead. Most stores we went it to we received a friendly but cautious greeting, "Hello, can I help you girls?"
When I popped out from behind the girls, and said, "No, we're just looking," the tone suddenly changed.
"Oh, fine, look around, if I can help you with anything, please let me know."
This didn't bother me, well, maybe a little, but I understand. I have seen how some kids act and I understood their caution. I could accept that. What I couldn't accept is the reaction we got when we went into the "department store".
The store has been in the town for years. It's the place my grandmother used to shop every Christmas Eve when my father was a boy (my dad is around 60 now). I barely knew my grandmother (actually I only recall meeting her once--that's a whole other story) or anyone from my father's side of the family (again, whole other story). My point is that the store has been part of my family for years. I don't have many stories from that side of the family, so I use the ones I have. Tradition, overkill, I'm not sure, but every time I go into that building, I tell the shopping story of the grandmother I didn't know. I tell how she would begin and finish her Christmas shopping there every Christmas Eve.
The store has some weird nostalgia for me, so I sort of feel obligated to go there whenever I'm in the town. Not any more. The five of us walked into the store and as usual the tall girls (a.k.a. twins and their friends) were up front. As we entered, I noticed a HUGE sign on the door that said OPEN and I'm pretty sure it said welcome. I assumed that meant everyone.
We walked in and got, the customary greeting, but this time with a little more edge. I stepped to the front and responded in the same way as I did in the other shops, but this clerk didn't smile at me.
"We're filming a commercial here." (They were setting up, the camera man was kneeling on the ground still fiddling with the equipment. Honest, we didn't bust in during the middle of the thing. No one yelled cut, it hadn't progressed that far yet.)
"OK, we were just going to look."
That's when I got the eye roll, a hand motion (she started to swish at us like we were a herd of cattle) and a snotty reply, "Well, you can..."
That's were I cut her off, and said, "Ok, hey its no problem, we'll leave."
Of course at that point she tried to be nice. Too late. I said, "Come on girls, we'll go somewhere else."
We walked out the door, and I checked once again, the sign did say OPEN and WELCOME. I had to wonder why we were questioned. Honest I was dressed presentable--not one hole in my jeans.
The kicker is, there are other doors to this place and it was loaded with other people. I think the better approach would be to lock the door and post a sign, "Please use other door". I've seen these signs before, they are not rude.
My other thought as I left this store, is maybe they should spend more money training there employees how to treat the customers they'd like to attract by making these big fancy commercials.
I thought about writing a letter to the manager (then thought, maybe she was the manager). I didn't think this would get me anywhere anyway, her defense would be, "Well, there were a bunch of unruly teenagers with her!" (They weren't filming yet, it would be her word against mine.)
I also thought about buying a lot of stuff somewhere else and walking back into the store--Pretty Woman style. I don't think they work on commissions there though, and I've come to terms with the fact I'm not Julia Roberts. I decided against those, but decided to create a new tradition: When I'm in town, that's the one store I won't go into anymore. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/08/2004 08:29:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, April 06, 2004 |
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After the last two posts I thought it was time to explain my Brian (oldest--and only--son, age 17). You might as well grab a coffee now and sit back and relax. This might take awhile. This is one of those kids that defy explanation.
Actually thinking about this, in 17 years I haven't been able to explain him, so I doubt I will be able to do it now. I'll tell you about him instead.
Brian age two: Had to drink coffee every morning because his dad did. It had to be coffee, he knew the difference and let you know if you tried to pull a fast one and give him milk only. Don't worry, it didn't stunt his growth (it was about a 80/20 mix of milk and coffee) he's 6'3" and still growing. It also had to be in the cup that said I love my Daddy.
Carried a 3 foot tall pink bunny with him everywhere he went. This was mine (an pre-marriage gift from the hubby). He called it "Baby," and it had to be treated like a person. If we went out to eat "Baby" got his own chair.
Loved the movie ET. I never tried to use it as a babysitter. He seriously loved this movie and would sit and watch the whole thing and want it repeated as soon as it was over. He would sit still for hours at two. (Wish he could do that now!)
Potty training--I'm confused if this was at the end of age 2 or the beginning of age 3. I know I did not have 3 in diapers at once and his sister's were born at 3 years and 3 months. Anyway, he was in diapers one day and not in the next. He had one accident that I recall. He decided he didn't want them anymore and that was that.
Age 3: Called me Kelly for 6 to 8 months (This started in the two's). When I brought the girls home from the hospital his exact words were "Hey Kelly, are those your babies?" I was Kelly and they were my babies for months. Then suddenly one day I was Mommy and they were his sisters. He called them KelciMichelle (one word) for years. I constantly corrected him: Kelci and Michelle. He finally realizes there are two of them!
He became obsessed with Ghostbusters: The movie, the cartoon, the action figures. He had a ghostbuster outfit (3 of them actually) and he wore it everyday. It was a khaki jumpsuit that zipped up the front and had a ghostbuster patch on the sleeve and a picture of the cartoon ghostbusters on the back. He wore his plastic ghost catcher on his back and carried the ghosttrap. He completed the outfit with either cowboy boots or swim shoes. What to wear was not an issue with him--It had to be that outfit. Thank God, I had the foresight to buy several when they were on the clearance rack.
In this phase he wore out the movie. His favorite part was the library scene when the ghost librarian turns ugly and jumps at the Ghostbusters. I think he knew every line to that movie. I know he knew every scene.
He got his first "Snuggle bunny" for Easter. This was a cheap stuffed blue bunny that carried a carrot and had "Snuggle Bunny" on its chest. He would not go any where with out it. He was obsessed with it. I had to buy another blue one and then they stopped making them in blue and switched to green and called it "Bunny Hugs." I have no idea how I explained the color change, but we went through 3 of those. I swore that he would carry one of them down the aisle at his wedding. They sat in his room until the early teen years. They live in the attic now.
Notice a trend with OBSESSED? When Brian gets involved in something that's it! He lives, breathes and talks about it 24-7. Once he's over something that's it it's over, no questions asked. He has had some crazy fazes.
I'm going to briefly skim the elementary school years and just give a few quotes"
Teacher (Everyone for 6 years): "He is a great kid. He is so smart. He has a great personality. His desk and not turning in homework are his biggest problem. He doesn't work to his potential."
When he would get C's I would say "Brian, what's this? You know the work, I know you can do better than this."
His reply, "What don't you like average?" (4th grade) (Let me clear something up--getting A's would have been no problem for him with little effort. He would do the work and not turn it in, that is why he would get the C. If a C was what he got trying his hardest I would be very happy with that. I swear he tried hard to get a C by sabotaging himself. In his mind anybody could get an A--it was that easy))
Me: "Brian why didn't you turn in the homework you did?"
Brain: "The teacher didn't ask me for it?" (He meant him specificity! She told the class to pass up their homework, but didn't ask him by name."
I am not going to list all the things his father and I and the teachers did in an effort to help him. This is already way to long.
Middle school--More of the same--He would do horrible in a subject one marking period and get an A+ (100) the next. Somehow, he would average it out so his final grades were good. To look at the end results, you would never guess how crazy he would make me during the school year.
High School has been much better. I'm not proud of this, but I did bribe him with his license and car. He got them and has kept them on the condition he keeps his grades up. Lucky for me his new obsession is his car. The peace has been nice.
Don't get me wrong. He is a great kid and for a boy of 17 he gives us little grief. I don't worry about drugs or drinking with this one. He is surprisingly responsible with his car. He works, pays part of his insurance, uses his own money for gas and maintenance, and rarely asks us for a dime. We'll slide him cash sometimes because we feel bad that he never asks. He is also one of the kindest people I know. Every night (without fail) he kisses me goodnight and tells me he loves me. He is a nice kid.
Brian is Brian, he beats to his own drum. He is one of those people that will have a great life because he will do exactly what he wants. My guess is that he will end up on top because he definitely thinks outside the box. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/06/2004 09:05:00 AM |
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| Monday, April 05, 2004 |
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Has anyone seen my son?
Varsity High School Sports and now HONOR ROLL? I checked the name twice and it wasn't one of his sister's report cards. Where is my baby??? I don't think he was kidding about the alien abduction! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/05/2004 02:42:00 PM |
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When you see a teen mother what is your first reaction? Teen mom's are often judged harshly before you even give them a chance. Why? Because they are young and got pregnant. Well they must be stupid right, or easy? And they can't possibly be good parents right?
How wrong this is. I know, I was a teen mother. I was 19 when I had my first child. Yes, I was out of High School, I was an adult, but technically I was still a teenager.
I worked as a sales clerk and one day a woman was at the counter and a young pregnant girl came in. I'm guessing the girl was 17 or 18 years old. The woman's reaction was typical, "What a shame someone that young is having a baby."
She wondered how anyone that young could possibly be a good parent. How would they support the child? Her guess was welfare. I sat there and listened as she went on about it, she never once mentioned that there was a possibility a teenager might make a good mom. I let her go on for awhile and then I said, "That doesn't happen all the time. You don't know the situation."
Her reply, "You're right, but people like that almost always end up on welfare, and its not fair to the kids."
That's when I told her I had my first child at age 19. Her face dropped and all she could do was stare at me. She knew me, she knew my kids and she had never known I was "one of those people". She mumbled something like, "Well, you're lucky, your an exception," and quickly left.
I am not saying that my way is the best way. I made the best of the situation. I was very happy to be pregnant. Yes, I was lucky. I was out of High School and I was getting married. Mine was a better situation than most. But it is never someone else's place to judge another person's situation. There are problems with parenting no matter what age you have children. This is life and this is the way it happened. Without knowing the situation it is not wise to judge.
Yes, financially we have struggled at times, but is this solely because I had a baby when I was 19? I know a lot of people who had children much later than me and still struggle. I like that I had my children young (I had my twins a week after my 23rd birthday). It has worked for me.
Another woman who can bust the teen mother stereotype to pieces is Angela Giles Klocke. She was a teen mother but that didn't stop her from being a great parent. It also inspired her to give back. She is the founder of One Young Parent, a website for teen parents (mom's or dad's) and their families and friends. As Angela puts it, "a helping hand up not out," and the site is about empowering teen parents not condemning them.
A few weeks ago Angela was planning a face lift for the site, and asked me to if I would be interested in designing a logo. I was thrilled and honored that she would ask. Thank you for believing in me Angela! |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/05/2004 07:32:00 AM |
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| Friday, April 02, 2004 |
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I haven't been asked to write any thing in a long time--I guess you can see that hasn't stopped me. Even though no one asks, I keep writing anyway, hoping upon hope that someday this will all pay off.
I consider blogging writing. It may never be published anywhere but here, but I still take the time to put words down, so it is time well spent. The words aren't always pretty and the grammar is sometimes off. If I went back and did edits I would certainly change some things. Writing here is more for fun. It is also a great way to meet some wonderful people.
One of these wonderful people (really it's two because they contact me as a team--sometimes he writes sometimes she writes and sometimes they both write) asked me to write something today. To Gary I say, "Sure, thanks for asking!"
A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my son and the volleyball team:
"I'm upset for my son. He is a terrific kid who beats to his own drum. He's also one of those kids who is stuck in the middle (a lot like me). He is not a superstar at the things he wants to be a superstar at. He is a superstar at being himself, but when you are 17 that's not enough. He tries so hard, and he never quite makes it to the other side. He's on the volleyball team and he has been busting his butt to make varsity, and last night he found out that he's number 9 and number 8 is the cut off. He also found out that one of the reasons he was dropped down was because he had to work on Sunday and didn't make practice. He has to work to keep his car and doesn't have a problem with this. He has a problem with the consequences of it, and I don't blame him. I could have cried when he said, "Mom, life isn't fair." What do I say to that when I feel the same way at times."
We talked about it and he decided to stick with it and play on the JV team. He really loves to play the game and he at least this way he would get to play. I also told him that this is one of those things he had no control over, so he couldn't let it bother him. I told him to go out there and play and show them he deserved to be on varsity.
Two days later he came home with a varsity jersey because a player got sick and there was a tournament coming up and they needed another player. This wasn't the way I wanted him to get on the team, but at least he would get a shot.
Once again, he was disappointed. He sat at an all day tournament and got about 30 seconds of play time. Again he decided to sick with it, and I reminded him that there was nothing he could do about it but go out and do his best. Eventually all that practice would pay off.
I providing this update for two reasons: 1. Gary asked me to post the story 2. I'm a mom and I like to brag. The actual season started this week and on Tuesday my son started on the Varsity team and last night he not only started but was never subbed out.
That's right, my son is a Varsity Volleyball player.
He also provided me with some lesson of my own. Nice things do happen to nice people. Practice pays off. Don't worry about the things you can't control. If you love to do something, it is worth doing no matter what. Persistence pays off. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/02/2004 02:39:00 PM |
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All my life I have been told that I'm too loud. I must be getting quieter, because I swear no one can hear me.
Me to teen daugher: "Don't forget your lunch."
Lunch is still stilling on the table.
Me to teen daughter: "I will give you money to go to the dance and the party, but don't ask for one more penny this weekend."
Phone call from school: "Mom, today is the last day to order sweatshirts for track?"
Me: "These are free right? Because I know I told you no more money this week."
Teen daughter: "But this is for school."
I know I didn't add "but if it is for school it is OK."
Now here is advice for teen daughter: If you pretend you didn't hear me, next time I will speak louder. Much louder. Having your friend call me first (to let me know that someone else is there with you or to butter me up) is only going to make me mad, it will not help your cause. Telling me to forget it, you'll just call dad, is not going to help either. First, this only makes me mad that you would dare to question my authority and second, did you forget I was married to the guy and we share a check book? And last, asking the women who washes all the clothes for another article of clothing after you told her you couldn't put the clothes away because you don't have any room is well, not very smart. |
| posted by Kelly @ 4/02/2004 10:53:00 AM |
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Name: Kelly Gibbons
Home: Dallas, Pennsylvania, United States
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