| Tuesday, August 31, 2004 |
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This is going to be one of those all over the place posts with no real meaning. My mind is spinning in so many directions I don't know where to start, so I thought I would put it all down like a giant buffet. Aren't you lucky!
First, I want to publicly thank my mechanic. He is a wonderful man and a great mechanic. A good mechanic is hard to find and I am lucky I found one I can trust. He has never tried to rip me off, he doesn't pull punches (he tells it as it is "this is broke and it is going to cost you this much to fix it"), and he really does have fair prices (Ok, so they still make me cry, but compared to other places he is so cheap I seriously don't know how he stays in business). But cheap is still EXPENSIVE to me, if you know what I mean, and the latest round of car repairs have done me in. My gratitude comes because not only did he fix my car, but he made a decision for me that I have been dreading making. I hate to make decision (always afraid of making the wrong one), and I am so grateful that he took care of this one for me. With one twist of a socket wrench he set things straight for me and the car. I am looking for another job.
Don't worry fans, I am not giving up on being an artist and a writer, I'm just doing what needs to be done so I can continue being an artist and writer.
I really don't want to do this, but I am so eternally grateful that the decision wasn't left to me.
Onto the next bit of randomness. School started today, and as usual that makes me sad. Yeah, I know you are thinking I am lying through my teeth, but I am totally serious. I love when my kids are home. I love summer break and I especially loved it this year because I was home everyday. I really do. I have never once celebrated the day school starts, but I have cried on many. And today, all of my babies are in high school, and I am sitting here wondering how the hell this happened. The oldest will gratitude this year, and I still get tears in my eyes picturing him on the bus going to kindergarten. Yes, times flies.
And still more randomness. There have been very few times in my adult life that I have been speechless. Yesterday, I was speechless. Robin's post at ccjellybeans blew me away! I swear I did not pay her to say those wonderful things, but I thank her from the bottom of my heart. She made my day, my week, my month...you get the idea! Once again I want to remind everyone how much a kind word can mean to someone, and I challenge you to say something nice to someone. In the end you'll make two people smile--you and the person you said it to. Now go out there and be nice!
OK, thanks for bearing with me today, for the moment I'm done. |
posted by Kelly @ 8/31/2004 07:15:00 AM   |
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| Thursday, August 26, 2004 |
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This is Ganesha--well my version of him anyway.
I learned about him yesterday from some friends.
It is a hindu elephant god, and I learned Ganesha is the deity of good fortune, new ventures, wisdom, and removal of obstacles. So if anyone is starting a new venture and needs a little good luck charm I'm giving you one. You may make a copy of my version of Ganesha and use it for luck! I hope you are as excited about your new venture as I am about mine. Now that I have this little elephant god helping me, I know I can't go wrong. |
| posted by Kelly @ 8/26/2004 09:50:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, August 25, 2004 |
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For months I have struggled to find what kind of writer I want to be, and then suddenly when I really dove into writing this novel I am working on it all became perfectly clear. I know there are some of you out there that are slapping your heads right now and saying, "I swear she said that a few weeks ago!" I know I said it, but I still didn't really get it until I began actually began writing this novel Once I dove in it all started to click together. The title came to me, the characters started to develop in my mind, I saw scenes and ways to expand the general plot, and I could picture the cover of the book and really see that this was something I could do.
I read somewhere (actually a couple of places) that when you are writing a book you should make it as real as possible. I have heard that you should do that with anything you want. Jim Carey, the actor, used to sit in his car above Hollywood and visualize himself as a famous actor getting paid 10 million dollars for acting in a movie. He even wrote himself a check for that amount and in the memo field wrote "for services rendered". He carried that check in his wallet and eventually he was paid that amount plus for services rendered. I hear about that kind of thing all the time on those biography and interview shows with stars. One that stands out is Kid Rock. He was asked if he ever imagined that he would ever be the rock star he is, as famous, rich, etc. (I think he grew up very poor in Detroit--sometimes sleeping in cars as he was trying to make it.) His reply, (and this might not be an exact quote) "Everyday! I imagined this everyday of my life." Greg Louganis visualized his dives and won gold medals. I remember the story of two college room mates, one was a golfer, the other hoping to be a broadcaster. They used to rehearse a scene where the golfer won a major tournament (I am not into golf but I think it was the one where you get the green jacket if you win) and the other one interviewed him. Years later, it played out exactly as they had rehearsed in their dorm room a hundred times, the emotions were unbelievable.
They say you can believe or visualize things into happening. The writer specific thing I read about was an author creating the cover of her book and posting it all over her work space for inspiration and to picture how the book would look completed. With that in mind, I design the cover of my first novel last night and I posted it in the sidebar here, and also by my computer. I plan on covering my writer's notebook with it. It will be a constant reminder that this can be real if I want it to be real.
Introducing a Novel by Kelly Gibbons:
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/25/2004 06:35:00 AM |
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| Monday, August 23, 2004 |
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| A funny thing happened to me today. I woke up this morning very down (that's not the funny thing) and discouraged about a lot of things. I started writing a down in the dumps post and was really feeling sorry for myself, again, and then I was distracted by an email. It was an email challenge from the novel writing group I joined. Then I started to write, and I wrote some more, and now it is after three o'clock in the afternoon and I am exhausted, my brain is fried and I feel wonderful. I have written almost 3000 words of my first novel. The more I write, the more excited I feel and the more I want to write. My bad mood is gone. Feeling sorry for myself is gone. I feel like a writer again, and I'll I did was write. |
| posted by Kelly @ 8/23/2004 02:07:00 PM |
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| Friday, August 20, 2004 |
| Training to Write |
I've been learning to run, and I am now running three miles five to seven days a week. I am not the fastest runner, races won't be one with my times and veteran runners might laugh at my over 10 minute miles, but that doesn't matter to me because I can run three miles--something I never thought I could do. Four months ago I decided I would try. Two months after that I did it for the first time, and today I continue. Four months ago I had never ran three miles in my life, and today I do it almost everyday.
The first day I went out to run, I didn't try to run three miles--if I had done that I wouldn't have completed my goal. I started out slow and worked my way up. I found a run/walk program where I gradually increased my running times over a 10 week period. I started out with a schedule of running two minutes and walking for four and repeating for thirty minutes. The goal was to move for thirty minutes. I didn't count miles--it wasn't about that, it was about getting out there and moving for thirty minutes.
Running for two minutes was harder then I thought it would be, and the first few days were tough, but I stuck with it. Each day it became easier to run.
At the start of each week, my running time would increase by a few minutes, and my walking time would decrease by a few minutes. I would start each week full of confidence though because I had completed the previous weeks. The increased run time was often difficult at the beginning of the week, but I always stuck with it (slow and steady), and at the end of every week it was easier and I was ready to move on. Two minutes of running soon became ten minutes of running, and kept going up. Then one day (a remarkably short time later) I could run three miles.
Today I decided that I would apply my running training to my writing training. They are a lot the same. Somewhere, way back in the beginning I knew that. I knew that a writer didn't become a writer because she said she was a writer. A writer becomes a writer because she writes, just like a runner becomes a runner because she runs, even if it starts out two minutes at a time.
A blank page just doesn't turn into a novel because I say, "I'm going to write a book." It takes persistence and dedication. It takes showing up everyday and writing. One idea leads to one page, and one page to two. As long as the words continue to be written down. Then if you continue to write, a page turns into chapter, keep writing (one a page at a time) and soon there are a few chapters with characters and plot. One word, one page, one day at a time a first draft gets written, as long as you show up and write down the words.
Today I start my writing training. I am committing to writing a novel. I joined my friend Angela's group A NOVEL PLAN and it begins today.
I showed up for running everyday, and now I am a runner. Now it is time to stop taking about writing that book someday and it is time to commit to actually writing it. Everyday, I will write. I will show up. In three months I will hold my first draft in my hand and I will say, "I wrote a book."
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/20/2004 06:41:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, August 17, 2004 |
| The Good and The Bad |
The good news is I wrote a post yesterday, the bad news is my computer or blogger went haywire and it was deleted when I tried to post.
The good news is I tried to take the week off, the bad news is I was swamped with other work so it wasn't a vacation.
The good news is I sent out more queries and manuscripts, the bad news is they were all rejected. The good news is I'm not sitting around wondering about them, and I handled it well.
The bad news is I applied for some jobs, the good news is no one has called me back. Maybe it's the attitude.
The good news is I sent art samples out a few weeks ago, the bad news is I got my first rejection. However, the email form letter said I had talent. The great news is I got some unexpected inquiries about doing illustrations--and I didn't even have to hunt these people down, they found me.
Good Mother or Bad Mother
After a recent conversation with my son, I am trying to figure out if I have taught him the right things.
He wanted to sleep over a friend's house. The friend is a girl. They are both 17. I didn't think this was the great idea.
"Mom, why can't I sleep over L's?"
"Well, I just don't think that is a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Cause she's a girl, and your a boy, and I don't want to be a grandmother before I'm 40."
"Mom, that's not going to happen! First of all we are just friends, that's it," and they he added in a sing-song Angelic voice, "besides I know if you make the love you wear the glove!"
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/17/2004 06:37:00 AM |
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| Monday, August 09, 2004 |
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Hi all, I just looked ahead at my upcoming schedule for the next few weeks, and I have decided that this is the perfect week to take a break. Starting next week I will have to be at the school 6 times a day for drop offs and pick-ups for my daughter's mandatory field hockey practices. I'm hoping for help with this, but from past experience I am kind of figuring that most of it will fall in my lap.
With that and school fast approaching, this might be my last week to really enjoy the summer, so I am taking a break and won't be updating here until next week. So, rest your finger until then and click back next Monday.
As always, thanks for reading, I enjoy your company!
How to earn extra cash:
Install a meter in the minivan and charge for rides!
From the Archives of SunnyK Kind of Day. |
| posted by Kelly @ 8/09/2004 08:49:00 AM |
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| Sunday, August 08, 2004 |
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Job talk has been all around me lately, and listening to some of the stories and advice has made me consider re-entering the working world. That seems silly to say, because I actually never left. I have really worked hard these past ten months at home. I love working at home, but I really miss the stability of a paycheck. Knowing that I would get paid at the end of the week was always comforting to me.
Another reason I am considering it is the fact that over the past 10 months I have slowly been turning into a recluse, and I don't like that at all. I avoid phone calls, I make excuses to stay in the house, and sometimes I absolutely dread the thought of going out in the big bad world. But, lately my safe haven is feeling more like a prison. At first the peace was wonderful and the idea of answering only to myself and being responsible for my own financial well being was exhilarating. It isn't anymore. Now it seems scary and desperate.
The problem is I know what will happen if I do get a job out there again: within a few months I will be craving my solitude again and cursing the fact that I have to see other people on a daily basis.
I have a strange personality. I think for the most part I am an extrovert who does really well around other people, but in limited doses. It is like a drug, I go out, interact with people then I am cured for a bit and I am perfectly content to be alone. The "drug" is good for me, but if I take to much of it I feel overwhelmed (overdosed). I have never been able to find the balance, the correct dosage.
In an attempt to do this the right way for once, I am only looking for and applying for jobs that I really want. I have decided that no matter what I am not going to settle. I have settled far to often in the past and it has left me miserable.
Another thing I am doing is looking for social interaction in other ways. I have considered that maybe it is being around people that I crave and not really a job. I do after all have a job at home that while there is never a 100% chance that it will continue, it has been fairly consistent over the past ten months. So, yesterday, I enquired about some volunteer work in my community. The problem that I had in the past with volunteering is that I was always stuck doing things I didn't want to do, so this time, I very clearly stated my interests, and surprise, surprise, it worked like a charm. I have some meetings set up and I am hoping it works out. I have a feeling it will, because again, I decided to ask for what I wanted and not settle for what I am given.
If this is a list of reasons why I need to get back out into the world, my husband pitched in his opinion and it was good advice. He doesn't have a problem with me working at home, and he has been very supportive in my quest to pursue my dreams. He isn't trying to get me back out there to get a paycheck, but he did point out that I could probably get more ideas, hear more things, see how people interact, etc. if I was actually out there experiencing it. He's afraid that I am suffocating my creativity sitting at home worrying about it and thinks that I would find more "material" if I got out of the house more. And, he is right. I married a smart man.
I am not going rush to find something, but I am going to keep my eyes and mind open. If something comes up I will explore the possibility. Over the past few months my opinion about employment has changed, and I no longer consider getting a job a bad thing, or a sign that I have failed. It is just another step (or another thing I have to do) towards my goal. |
| posted by Kelly @ 8/08/2004 11:06:00 AM |
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| Friday, August 06, 2004 |
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I found this over at Angela's blog. Since I like to blog and I like books I thought I would give it a whirl.
UPDATE: I got an honorable mention for my entry! I am so excited!
Blogging for Books #2: Servitude
For this month's Blogging for Books, write a blog entry about the best or worst experience you've ever had working for someone else.
I Did it for the Money
I was a waitress for sixteen years. The whole time I worked as a waitress I always said, "I'm gonna write a book about this place some day." Well, it's not a book yet, but it's a blog, and truthfully I have so much material, I don't know where to start.
I could write about the verbal abuse I put up with from the cooks, but sticks and stones can break my bones, but words didn't take tips out of my pocket, and that wasn't the worst. I learned to ignore it. I could write about the sexual escapades of my co-workers and the boss (separately and together), but I signed a confidentially agreement with some of the parties and I can't divulge some of the facts until after their death. Or maybe it would be interesting to tell about the time the boss fell through the ceiling in his attempt to escape the trash talking cooks who where trying to drag him to a strip club. There is always the fight I had with the Mormons. That one almost cost me my job . If it wasn't for another customer overhearing the whole conversation and sticking up for me, I would have been canned for sure. Hindsight being 20-20, I wish I would have gone then, at least I would have had a good firing story. I did get a cool video tape from my new friends who returned later in the evening to beg for forgiveness, understanding and with their cell phone number so I could call any time I needed some help. Hey pals, I would have preferred a tip.
After sixteen years in the restaurant biz, there are a lot of stories, good, bad and ugly. I settled on the most disgusting. If you don't like vomit consider this a warning.
One evening a table of three came in and it was apparent that some of them had some problems (mental and physical disabilities). They all ordered the house veal specialty. It was named after the restaurant, but out of some sick sense of loyalty, attachment or stupidity I still have a fondness for the place and I don't want to use the name, so I'll called it Veal CWJ (for crappy waitress job). Anyway, Veal CWJ is made with thinly sliced veal sauteed to perfection and served with prosciutto ham, mushrooms, seasonings, mozzarella cheese and topped with a sherry wine sauce (that was scary, how easily that came back to me!). The portions were always generous and the dish filled the plate.
I served the meals and went back to work waiting on other tables, but being the good waitress I was, I checked back on the table in a few minutes. Their plates were half empty, and the three were happily eating their veal, and nodded their approval. I went on my merry way.
In a few minutes, I walked past again and noticed that one of the plates was full again.
I ran to the back and screamed to another waitress, "I think one of my customers threw his meal back up on his plate!"
"What!?" How would you know that?"
"Because when I checked before, his plate was half empty, and now it is full again, what else could have happened?"
I had no idea what I was going to do. I went back to the table, 'cause a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, and I didn't want to scare away the other paying (tipping) customers. I asked the man if he had gotten sick, he nodded yes, and I just about threw up all over him. I threw a cloth napkin over the plate, picked it up and ran as fast as I could run carrying a plate full of puke (Gagging again, still!) through the restaurant straight to the garbage can. Boss man almost had a coronary as he watched me throw out his precious linen napkin and a dinner plate! I wish I would have let him dig it back out (that would be a good memory), but I didn't have the heart or the stomach to at the moment. I could only retell the story and scream at him that I should have made him do the dirty work. I actually got a thank you for that one, and thank yous did not come easily from that man. Why, oh, why was he never around when you really needed him?
I never looked at Veal CWJ the same again. For a long time even the sight of it in the window brought on an instant gag reflex, and with it being a house specialty, I gagged often. I had a couple of rough months on the floor too, because even the mention of it brought a horrible visual to my mind, and tips tend to dwindle when a waitress gags as she describes the food. The boss while understanding at the moment, soon became irritated with me for screaming, "NO!" at the customers every time they asked if I would recommend the Veal.
But, as horrible as it was, even vomit couldn't make me quit. You do what you have to do to fill the pockets with moula. I have to tell you though, as bad as it sounds, to live it was a whole lot worse. Tip or no tip, I'd never do it again.
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/06/2004 08:06:00 AM |
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| Thursday, August 05, 2004 |
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Guess who wrote this:
"For two years I received nothing but rejections. One magazine, Highlights for Children, sent a form letter with a list of possible reasons for rejection. "Does not win in competition with others," was always checked off on mine. I still can't look at a copy of Highlights without wincing.
I would go to sleep at night feeling that I'd never be published. But I'd wake up in the morning convinced I would be. Each time I sent a story or book off to a publisher, I would sit down and begin something new. I was learning more with each effort. I was determined. Determination and hard work are as important as talent.
Don't let anyone discourage you! Yes, rejection and criticism hurt. Get used to it. Even when you're published you'll have to contend with less than glowing reviews. There is no writer who hasn't suffered."
This was written by one of my favorite author's, Judy Blume. It is comforting to know that I think like a real writer.
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/05/2004 10:38:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, August 03, 2004 |
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Idea Stealers
Something that frustrates me with writing is coming up with a great idea, having it rejected, realizing that maybe it wasn't such a great idea, then seeing the great idea published by someone else, and wondering how they made it work when I couldn't. Wait that's MY idea!
Something that frustrates me more with writing is coming up with a great idea, dismissing great idea because I convince myself it isn't a great idea, and then seeing my great idea published by someone else who obviously doesn't suffer from my inferiority complex. Man, I should have sent that idea!
This has happened to me so many times lately that I am wondering if someone is in my head stealing my ideas. No, I know this isn't happening, I'm not that crazy, yet. But, a couple things could be going on here:
1. I have terrible timing. Story of my life. I am either way ahead of my time, or way behind on the times. I have yet to find a middle ground.
2. I'm pitching things in the wrong way to the wrong places. If this is it, I'm screwed 'cause I am overwhelmed by the whole where and how to send thing.
3. People (the bad editors) just don't like me. Naw, that's just not possible, to know me is to love me! LOL! And besides all editors are wonderful, terrific, super fantastic over worked human beings (a little sucking up never hurts). LOL! At least I still crack myself up.
4. I am almost there. A few more adjustments and it'll be my ideas that get published.
I choose number four. That's my answer and I sticking to it!
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| posted by Kelly @ 8/03/2004 06:37:00 AM |
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| Monday, August 02, 2004 |
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In the past few days, I have been thinking a lot about where I am going with my creative career. Things aren't working the way I want them to and that means I need to change them. Something needs to be different, but I haven't put my finger on what that is yet. It's coming to me in small bits and pieces, and I am patiently awaiting the whole picture. I have decided to listen to and learn from these small messages and put the puzzle together one piece at a time.
Little things keep coming to me, like updating my resume. I know that might not seem very exciting or like it is a huge change, and when the thought hit me, I didn't either. But, I something (intuition?) told me it was important to do. I didn't wait for later or question why, I just did it. Later, I started to see that there might be something significant in the change. First of all, by updating the resume, I acknowledged that this has been a very important year of my life. I have been working as an artist and writer for a year, but didn't add it to my resume and therefore, didn't acknowledge it as a job. Adding it to my resume somehow made it more real. I also doubled my list of accomplishments on the old resume by adding the new things I've done this year--reminding me again exactly how far I have come in a relatively short time.
the old resume was telling the world what I used to be and want I wanted to be in the past, it was reflecting all the changes I have gone through. The jobs I wanted and qualifications that I had listed on that resume where all old and outdated, and certainly not what I am about now. My top pick for a job was customer service, because at the time I did that resume, it was what I did, and what I thought I was qualified to do, and guess what that is all I was attracting? Job interviews for something I didn't want to do. Several times, I got calls asking me to interview for sales or customer service positions, and I wondered why they would be offering me the type of position that I absolutely did not want. Why? Because that is what I had asked for.
No where in that resume was there anything about wanting a creative position, or that I wanted to be a writer or an artist. I didn't state my intention, or clearly say what I wanted, so how could the person reading it possibly know what I wanted. Obviously, they couldn't.
There's no guarantees that I will get any writing or art assignments or job offers from posting an updated resume, but at least it clearly states what I want now. I want to be an artist and a writer, not a customer service rep and changing that on my resume was one small way of telling the world that. And if there is one thing that I have learned over this past year is that even the smallest steps move you forward. |
| posted by Kelly @ 8/02/2004 08:55:00 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: Kelly Gibbons
Home: Dallas, Pennsylvania, United States
About Me:
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| Not Quite Grown-up: The Random Ramblings of Kelly Gibbons the Dreamer, Writer and Artist |
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