I've been the Queen of Indecision lately. I have created numerous posts over the past few days, but let them sit in draft because I can't decide if I should post them. Everything I write seems so boring and unoriginal lately. I must be going though one of those phases! OH NO NOT ANOTHER ONE. I'll just post them now to get them out of my head. Then maybe I can move on to bigger and better things.

I wrote about the tsunami's in South Asia, but the words didn't seem enough. I won't even post that draft (it's all been said elsewhere). Instead I ask you to donate if you can:

The Red Cross South Asia Earthquake and Tsunami Relief Fund

Then I got into the whole "It's a New Year" thing:

Goals for 2005:

(Creative goals)
To start the editing and rewriting process on my novel, and once this is done to send this novel out into the world to publishers.

To continue growing experimenting as an artist.

To accept that this is enough. That just doing these two things makes me a writer and an artist.

To believe that by doing this, my dream of being a writer and artist will come true.

To know that these steps that I call "baby steps" or "little steps" are actually giant leaps toward my goals.

To be patient, and realize that I have already accomplished a great deal(even though it seems like I am standing still at times).

To write more.

To read more.

To relax more.

To enjoy more.

To live more.

To draw and paint more.

To do more with photography.

To do all of these things for the joy of doing them, and nothing more.

And then there is this one (kind of sums things up, but again I'm not happy with the crap!):
It's hard to write here. I create posts, and I delete posts, and I stare at a blank page more often than I like. Unlike some people (who seem to know exactly why they blog), I can't put my finger on the reason I write here. When I started out on this journey of being a writer, it felt so important to have a space on the web. I think this was because other writer's I respected did it. I felt that was a step I needed to take in order to be successful as a writer.

There have been unexpected surprises from writing here, and I have made some wonderful connections, and found some great new friends, but I still don't feel comfortable here. I haven't found my voice, my direction.

I need to make changes here, but I don't know what to do. I feel my posts are boring and unoriginal. After a year, I thought I would find a rhythm. Instead, I post a mish mash of randomness, and quite honestly, when I reread it, it sounds like a whole lot of garbage.


Well there it is. Now that I've got it out of my system, I'm hoping better posts will come.