Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Riding the New Year's Rollercoaster

The good vibes from the beginning of the year have faded away, and I feel more stuck than I ever have before. I'm desperately trying to get that enthusiasm back. I like being there, not here. I hate that it is so easy to slide back to this place.

I began this post yesterday feeling sorry for myself and ready to quit (yet again). I quickly realized this is a pattern I follow. I also realized it doesn't work. Every new year I get caught up in the "it's a new year, a new beginning" thing, and I plan to rock the world with everything I want to accomplish. Then, the enthusiasm fades, I look around at what everyone else has accomplished and is doing, and I start to feel bad about what I haven't done, and start to become overwhelmed by what I need to do to get done what I want done. Then, I end up feeling sorry for myself, and I become stuck in a rut. This doesn't work.

The one nice thing to see, is that I have grown. I have gained some tools over the past few years to recognize what works and what doesn't, and then alter my course.

So, I am refocusing, and getting back to what works.

What was working for me was working on my novel. That was my main writing goal, and it will continue to be my main writing goal. I am off to a great start on the edits, and I must make myself continue on this path. Starting today, I am getting back to it, and I am going to work on it (hopefully daily) instead of talking about working on it daily. Working gets the work done, talking about it doesn't. Period.

This week I have seen the successes of some friends, and while I am thrilled beyond belief for them, I have to admit that I did become a bit jealous. I wanted what they got, and forgot that they have worked very hard to get what they have. I just wanted it without putting in the effort. Then I got a little crazy, and started to think maybe I should start doing what they are doing, so I could have some of that success. They are focusing on writing magazines, essays and columns for magazines, so I started to thing about doing that again.

My focus completely shifted from the novel, and I guess, I was going to put that on the back burner, again. I forgot that I have worked hard on it for the last couple of years, and that if I continue with it I will see results. I have seen results already, but I lost site of them because they have become too familiar.

Detour is over. I am back on track. Focused, and ready to get to work. Climbing one more hill on the tracks, anticipating the awesome ride when I get to the top! Weeeeeeee!

Check out a great new resource for writer's From Diapers to Deadlines (co-founded by my fabulous friend, Toni).

posted by Kelly @ 1/11/2006 07:33:00 PM

2 Comments:

At January 13, 2006 2:12 PM, Kelly's Biggest Fan said…

It's OK -- you are totally NOT alone :)
At February 05, 2006 9:02 AM, Robin said…

Hi Kelly,
I don't know anyone who doesn't feel this way. I certainly do.

Everyone keeps telling me how easy it is to publish a book and yet,here I am, not researching publishers and not sending my childrens' books anywhere. I'm such a chicken and yet I want to be a writer....wait,I AM a writer cuz I do WRITE,but I don't take the next step.

Having confidence and also being insecure is a real problem for me. Sounds like it's kind of the same way for you too.

Don't give up. If writing your book makes you happy,then write. I guess it's like "dance like nobody is watching." It's easier said than done,I know. I am my own worst enemy too.

It's hard not be envious of friends who accomplish what you are trying to accomplish since it looks like they had it so easy even though we know that's not true.

Keep refocusing on what you want. I do that just about every day....lol.